We may have embarked on a Fitness Odyssey, but sometimes the old ways are the best. HK Magazine’s own personal training intern gives us tips on how to get in shape, Hong Kong style. It’s a little-known fact but egg tarts are actually brilliant for diets. That’s because they contain nothing but happy memories. Also 160g of calories per egg tart—but you can’t get in shape if you’re not happy. The key to muscle building is reps. Repeatedly go to Oolaa and tell everyone loudly over brunch about how much you’ve been working out. Be born, become a movie mogul, live to 107, and die satisfied, fulfilled and happy. Swimming is a great way to train your entire body. Dive off Central Pier No. 9 and try to make it to Kowloon without being run over by a barge or cruise ship. Congratulations! You are either a) healthier or b) dead. For optimal heart health, you need to raise your pulse to around 80 percent of your maximum heart rate for sustained periods of time. Try cocaine. Whitening cream. The paler one’s skin, the more light it reflects. Cover a close friend or neighbor in whitening cream, get a magnifying glass, and focus the rays bouncing off their gleaming epidermis onto your fatty deposits. They’ll melt right away. Despite what doctors tell you, crash dieting is an effective way of losing the pounds. Every time those hunger pangs kick in, hijack a red minibus and crash it into a wall. Build up strength in your lungs by lustily inhaling Hong Kong’s toxic atmosphere. That’ll give those bronchioles a good workout! Go to Mong Kok. Kick a triad in the nuts. Run.