The Fitness Odyssey
Three wheezy out-of-shape HK Magazine writers embarked on an epic journey to get fit in the treacherous land of debauchery known as Hong Kong. Did they remake themselves as Grecian gods, or were they cast aside in failure?
We all know the story of the Odyssey. Wait. This is HK Magazine, not The Ancient Greek Times. Let me explain. Homer’s “Odyssey” is a great pinnacle of literature chronicling the trials and tribulations of Odysseus, the legendary Greek King of Ithaca. It took The Big O 10 years to get back home after the Trojan War, facing myriad obstacles: a Cyclops; a witch who turned men into swine; sexy, deadly sirens; an eight-headed monster and his whirlpool friend, and a bunch of dudes at home jonesing for his hot, rich wife.
Last year, three of our writers, including myself (the best one), decided to undertake a Fitness Odyssey of our own. Could we get in shape while navigating the treacherous bars of Hong Kong? Would international travel, LKF, and happy hours sink us? Or would we emerge triumphant as kings of the city, finding hot, rich wives in the process? Only time would tell. Let’s meet our heroes:
Yalun Tu
King of Ithaca
Fatal Flaw: Fat
Zach Hines
King of Leon
Fatal Flaw: Waifish
Sean Hebert
King of Comedy
Fatal Flaw: Scrawny
The plan was simple: 12 weeks. Lose the fat, gain the muscle, become legends, and win the Mark Six. We partnered with Epic MMA to facilitate our transformation. Epic MMA is a fighting and CrossFit/Circuits gym: you can get in shape by punching and kicking, or by lifting and metabolic conditioning. Why did we choose the gym? The trainers: professional fighters and professional athletes who know what they’re talking about. Odysseus had Zeus, Athena, and Hermes on his side; we had Vusi, Mosi, Kevin and Saso. It would be a no-brainer, right?
RIGHT! Things started off well for us, just as it had for Odysseus and his men. We went to the gym three times a week and learned the basics of boxing (me), CrossFit (Zach), and Muay Thai (Sean). Wow, this story is going to suck because I’ll end up with a six pack and no problems at all, I thought. And who wants to read about that? Then I left the gym and realized it was Friday night.
The Siren: Alcohol
Drinks? My phone asked via text message. I ignored it, determined to sip my protein shake, head home and watch “Breaking Bad.” But it persisted. “Yalun!” came a cry across the street, “We’re having a beer. Join us.” I shook my head, explaining that I had just gone to the gym and was doing a story about fighting. “You just worked out. You deserve it!” The words incepted my brain. Just one, I thought.
Ten drinks later, I was doing shots. The next morning, very hungover, I met Zach for a debrief. “The Siren’s call got me,” I told him. He told me he had wisely gone home… only to find that the first case of craft beer he’d signed up for three months ago had just arrived. Eight beers later…
We called Sean. He didn’t pick up. We later learned he had passed out somewhere, drunk. “Alcohol doesn’t have too many calories, right?” I asked. Zach stared at me. Oh, right. Odysseus’ men had plugged their ears to get rid of the siren’s song. We had to do the same.
I turned off my phone at 8 o’clock every night. Zach gave his craft beers away to some Swedish guys who drink craft beer. Sean jumped into his other activities, comedy and music, to distract himself. The lesson was clear: mute your weakness. If you can’t stop yourself from drinking when everyone’s partying, stop partying for a while. A journey has a destination, so do whatever it takes to get there—be it ignoring party requests, stocking healthy food and drink in your fridge, or diving into healthy activities.
Diets squared away, the wind was at our backs once again. We were heading to the promised land.
