To my horror, people around me are slowly turning into wine drinkers or (shudder) teetotalers. “I just can’t anymore,” is the rallying cry of the late 20s/early 30s healthy professional. “The hangovers are getting bad.” I hear you buddy, but I would also say this: Even as we’ve graduated from Johnnie Walker Red to Black to Gold it’s still important occasionally to drink and do things that are unbelievably stupid. Consider it an offering to your younger self. And for me, that was Action Cocktail night.
Now, you probably don’t know what the “Action Cocktail” is, which is OK, because I invented the term. Action Cocktails are drinks that require an action more than sipping/shooting. A glass of shiraz doesn’t count. But a tequila shot with salt and lemon does. A whisky shot doesn’t count. But a whisky slap1 does. And a double-whisky slap2 counts double. Get it?
I organized an Action Cocktail evening with a simple plan. We’d gather for dinner and good cheer. Then we’d go out for drinks. BUT, the only drinks allowed were Action Cocktails, as per our sanctioned list:
- Tequila Shots (Tequila / Lemon / Salt)
- Wasabi Shots (Tequila / Wasabi / Tomato Juice)
- Bombs— Jägerbomb, sake bombs, car bombs (drop a shot into a glass and drink the whole thing)
- Flaming Lamborghini / Ferrari / etc.
- Whisky slaps
- Long Island Line (A line of shots used to make a long island you take in a row)
We started our night at Tokyo Chilli House, which despite its name is actually a Thai restaurant. Whatever. Jäeger miscommunications brought the first fail of the night and we were stuck with pounding Singhas. I ate two pad Thais in an effort to carbo-load. This would prove to be a massive mistake.
Then we went to the Wooloomooloo roof in Wan Chai. Wait, what? This was a terrible option—a chill roof with people politely sipping wine. We did a Jäegerbomb (finally). Then one of my colleagues ordered a pinot noir. “It’s a nice night to sip some wine,” she told us. I pulled everybody aside.
Listen to me. This is NOT a normal Saturday night. We do NOT sip wine. This is ACTION COCKTAILS NIGHT. We need to do this. Go BIG or go HOME. People DROPPED OUT because they were scared. We are NOT drinking wine on somebody’s roof. We are BETTER than this. Pull yourself together. Man up. Woman up. IMMEDIATELY.
The team refocused, recommitted, re-rallied. It was beautiful. We headed to a bar full of English people quietly sipping chardonnay and took it the F over. Car bombs. Jäegerbombs. A whisky slap. Stuff on fire (until I was pulled aside by the manager for an important after-school safety special). I suggested a Tequila Suicide (snort a line of salt, squeeze a lemon in your eye, and drink) but was rejected and instead settled for a Jäegerbomb / car bomb / Jäegerbomb trifecta.