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The Rules: 24 Stops. 24 Drinks. 12 Hours. It’s simple, really: drink your way through a complete circuit of the MTR, with one drink at every stop. Your time limit:12 hours. Your liver: screwed.

1.   Central Exit A
Start your MTR crawl the cheap way: on the IFC roof garden. If you’ve planned ahead, then you’ve got a backpack full of drinks. If you’re not that clever, pass by City Super on your way up to the roof for a pricier brew. Perch overlooking Victoria Harbour, and let the games begin! But don’t let this chilled  atmosphere make you lazy. It’s a long walk to the MTR and it shuts at midnight, so you’d best get going.
A beer costs… as little as you like.
 

2.   Admiralty Exit F
For your second stop, it’s our favorite bar on Star Street—and if you’re a regular, you’ll know that Exit F spits you right out in front of Slim’s. It’s also possibly the narrowest bar in town, so don’t all crowd in at once: hang around outside, and wait for service. The craft beer menu is extensive, so ask for a recommendation to quicken the pace. Attention all (peanut) tossers: grab a handful of the free nuts so you can throw the shells on the floor—but remember that according to some, eating is cheating. We say: you’re going to need all the help you can get.
A beer costs… $45 ($43 during happy hour, 2:30-9pm)
1 Wing Fung St., 2528-1661.
 
3.   Wan Chai Exit C
The infamous Coyote Bar and Grill is so close to the MTR station that you can smell the tequila fumes as you dash up the escalators. This two-floor den is the party capital of Wan Chai: if you didn’t know that, it’s just because you drank faaar too many margaritas on your last visit. The only way here is a tequila shot, and onwards you go. Wait—didn’t leave with a sombrero? Do not pass go, do not collect $200, do go back and get one.
A beer costs… $50
114-120 Lockhart Rd., 2861-2221.
 
4.   Causeway Bay Exit D4
Head up to the 25th floor of a bar-packed building to find the White Horse, which may sound like a quaint English pub but is in fact a divey darts bar with a murky but unmistakable view of the harbor. Grab a beer, throw a quick round of electronic darts, and you’re ready to hit the MTR once more.
A beer costs… $52
25/F, Macau Yat Yuen Centre, 523-527 Hennessy Rd., 3426-4818.
 

5.   Tin Hau Exit B
Tin Hau is an MTR stop that’s handy for Victoria Park but not much else—unless, that is, you turn left and stagger 500 meters to Tai Hang. Stone’s isn’t the first bar you’ll come to, but it’s certainly the best—and if you’re lucky, owner Joel Bess will be behind the bar to part with some of his extensive beer knowledge (tip: You won’t have to twist his arm to get him to join you in a cheeky whiskey). Go crafty with a bottle of locally brewed Dragon’s Back IPA, and then it’s back the way you came.
A beer costs… $50
1-9 Lin Fa Kung St. West, 2570-6858.
 
6.   Fortress Hill Exit A
Pickings are slim here, which must explain why Encore Club is so packed full of office types trying to stay under the radar. Layers of advertising ensure you won’t see who’s in here before you open the door, but never fear—you won’t be recognized. Feel your way through the fug to a sticky table and order a bucket of Blue Girl beers ($153), chugging back as the pink neon lights flicker off the black Johnnie Walker décor around you. Encore? Nope, it’s time to move on.
A beer costs… $48
Shop 18-19, G/F, AIA Tower, 183 Electric Rd., (entrance via rear on Wang On Rd.), 2219-8222.
 
7.   North Point Exit A1
 Primarily a narrow burger joint, The Big Bite serves beer and you’re going to need it after a quick go at their   “Homicide” buffalo wings ($45). We recommend a food stop here with drink No. 7, and if you’re ridiculous enough   to be here on a Tuesday, buy a beer and it’s just $3 per mouth-numbing wing. Polish off six wings in three minutes and win yourself a badge. A badge! We’re not sure they settled the stomach for what was to come, but they certainly made us drink faster.
 A beer costs… $39
 Shop 4B, Kar Fu Building, 196-202 Java Rd., 6979-9690.
 
8.   Quarry Bay Exit A
Restaurant-slash-bar Enoteca is a couple of minutes across the road from Exit A but this isn’t why you’ll have to rush—we were served at snail’s pace here and it really slowed us down. Maybe opt for a half-pint to speed things up (as this is your eighth drink by now, it’s probably wise) and order the bill at the same time. But the outdoor seating is a lovely place to put your feet up before a final drink island-side. Next up, we’re crossing the harbor, and things are getting tricky…
A beer costs… $60
35-41 Tong Chong St., 2744-6000.
 
9.   Yau Tong Exit B1
Things start to get interesting as we dash around the Domain mall looking for alcohol. Nope, we’re not interested in the genteel-looking tea house. Aha! At last—we find The Grove and we’re pleasantly surprised: a nice roof terrace, harbor views and a buy-two, get-one-free deal before 7:30pm. This is our cheapest stop yet—so far, we’re liking the dark side.
A beer costs… $28
Shop 28A, G/F, Domain, 38 Ko Chiu Rd., 2340-0085.
 
 
10.   Lam Tin Exit D2
We’ve definitely moved deeper into new territory: we can’t find a bar. Flyovers: tick. High-rises: tick. Stifling bus station: tick. 7-Eleven: tick. Wait, back up slowly for fear it’s all a mirage. Yes, it’s there—Exit D2 and follow the signs to Sceneway Garden Plaza. Raid their stockpiles and do some kind of ridiculous beer-can-spray-it-in-your-face cheers. You’re now well-oiled at 10 drinks in—you may not be classy right now, but you will find yourselves very, very amusing.
A beer costs… $8.50
3/F, Sceneway Garden Plaza.
 
11.   Kwun Tong Exit A2
Don’t believe Google when it points out several bars in the area on your map—it’s lies, all lies. We walked past wall after wall of flyers and accidently interrupted Ramadan prayers in a car park while on the prowl for a drink. So, this is it: curry fish balls washed down with a San Miguel on the street, from 素心齋 (So Sum Chai). Take Exit A2 and it’s just on the corner of Tsun Yip Lane and Kwun Tong Road, tucked back from the main drag. Pretty tasty and we were treated to lots of smiles all round by bemused staff. But by beer 11, everyone’s smiling.
A beer costs… $7
Tsun Yip Lane, 2342-4482.
 
12.   Ngau Tau Kok Exit B1
This branch of Bar Pacific is AWARD-WINNING!! That is, if you believe the trophies stacked high behind the bar and the barman’s vague claim that “It’s because we’re popular.” Glance left; glance right—they may be the only show in town. But it’s familiarly hazy inside, beer again comes in buckets ($180) and Cantopop karaoke ballads blare from the TV screens.
A beer costs… $48 (4-8pm, $20)
G/F, Wing Ngai Mansion, 9-15 Luen On St., 2389-8494.
 
13.   Kowloon Bay Exit A
After the last few stops, Ruby Tuesday feels like luxury. Sure, it may be in the manically crowded Telford Plaza shopping mall, but this large American diner actually has lights inside, the menus aren’t sticky, there’s room to move around and it sells comfortingly greasy food. Worm your way past the all-you-can-eat salad bar and bag a seat at the bar—you’ll get served quickly and they’ll even dish you up some sliders. Tip: watch the massive step as you descend from the bar area. Although to be honest, 13 beers in you’re going to hit it no matter what happens.
A beer costs… $56
Shop P26, Phase One, Telford Plaza, 33 Wai Yip St., 2376-3122.
 
14.  Choi Hung Exit C1
The wet market here made this stop oneof our favorites. Step through the archway onto Wah Chi Path, and you’ll find 富源 (Foo Yuen Chiu Chow Delicacies). From your table you’ll be surrounded by loud street hawkers and crowds of shoppers—plenty to keep you occupied as you gulp back a 640ml bottle of Tsingtao. Tip: share one.
A beer costs… $20
2 Ngan Chi Path, (entrance on Wah Chi Path), Ngau Chi Wan, 2328-0683.
 
 
15.   Diamond Hill Exit C2
“WHY WERE WE A BRITISH COLONY FOR SO LONG YET THERE’S NOT A BOOZER ON EVERY CORNER?!” Yup, by beer 15 we’re at the ranty stage of the crawl. There are NO bars to be seen, so we settle for another Club 7-Eleven beer. Pluck your purchase from Plaza Hollywood and mooch around the beautiful Nan Lian Garden, muttering darkly to yourself.
A beer costs… $8.50
Shop G103, Plaza Hollywood, 3 Lung Poon St., Tsz Wan Shan.
 
16.   Wong Tai Sin Exit B2
Happy hour is in full swing in this second branch of Bar Pacific on our whistle-stop tour—kudos to these guys for popping up just when we need them most. This is a bigger space than its Ngau Tau Kok sister so you can spread out on tables rather than hunch at the back of the bar. Did we mention it’s happy hour? (We may be repeating ourselves. That happens after 16 drinks.) Beers are $20 until 8pm, $30 thereafter. Every little saving helps on this adventure.
A beer costs… $20-$30
31 Fung Tak Rd., 2320-6683.

17.   Lok Fu Exit B
Tucked into an alcove by Hong Kong’s Baptist University, the Billy Boozer Pub is everything you’d expect from a traditional uni establishment: it’s dark, dingy, and stale beer permeates the seat cushions of every booth dotted round the room. But the low-hung wooden beams, gothic atmosphere and heavily stocked bar are strangely comforting. It reminds us of being students, and who didn’t enjoy those years? Relive your youth, and then emerge blinking into the gloaming, wondering if it was all a dream.
A beer costs… $51
Shop 20-22, G/F, Franki Centre, 320 Junction Rd., 2339-0980.
 
18.   Kowloon Tong Exit C2
Dive out of Exit C2 and you’ll find yourself inside Festival Walk. There’s no point in fighting the good fight—there’s nothing near the MTR on the outside. Enoteca’s wine shop (free tastings on weekends, 4-8pm) is your best bet and it’s classy: grab a 375ml bottle of Ca’ Di Rajo Prosecco, take a few cups from McDonald’s (less classy) and pull up a pew by the ice rink (well, you’ve gotta sit down). Just watch out for the shopping center’s security guard—especially if you’re heckling the skater who’s just taken a tumble.
A beer costs… N/A. Ca’ Di Rajo Prosecco, $88
Shop 20, LG1/F, Festival Walk, 80 Tat Chee Avenue, 2265-8115.
 
19.   Shek Kip Mei Exit B1
Shek Kip Mei is mostly residential so you’ll have to use your time here wisely. Head towards Sham Shui Po, take a pew at Ko Kee Beef (嵩記牛什) and order a bowl of beef brisket noodles and a beer. At this stage in the game, no one will understand you, but if your beef brisket noodles make it to you, you’ll find they’re delicious and very necessary. Down your $8 can of beer (it’ll be the cheapest you see in a while) and give the owner a smile before stumbling back to the MTR.
A beer costs… $8
142 Tai Po Rd., Sham Shui Po.
 
20.   Prince Edward Exit C2
The hybrid American-Chinese sports bar
Co Co Duck sits atop the MTR station so this is a smart choice if you’re short on time. But if you’ve planned this well, you can spare a few minutes to race to Piss Bar II, if only in recognition of the incredible name. The actual story behind the name should sober you up: it was named after Brussels’ Manneken Pis, a little bronze statue of a boy doing a wee. Then again, by now can anything sober you up?
A beer costs…$74 (Co Co Duck), $50 (Piss Bar II)
Co Co Duck: G/F, 141 Prince Edward Rd. West, 2391-2744; Piss Bar II: G/F, Hip Shing Building, 214 Tung Choi St., 9097-1426.
 

21.   Mong Kok Exit B2
This is a classy stop which, considering you could now be on drink 21, is a dubious move. But tuck your shirt in, and ride the lift up to Lion Rock in the Royal Plaza Hotel—the floor-to-ceiling views over Mong Kok (and supposedly out to Lion Rock), and the $70 cocktails, are worth it. Far too much effort? Joe’s Billiards & Bar may be more your style: neon lights, loud techno and the unholy trinity of pool, darts and beer pong.
A beer costs… $60 (Lion Rock), $45 (Joe’s)
Lion Rock Restaurant & Bar: 3/F, Royal Plaza Hotel, 193 Prince Edward Rd. West, 2622-6167;
Joe’s Billiards & Bar: 5/F, Mong Kok City Centre, 80 Sai Yeung Choi St. South, 3188-3818.
 

22.   Yau Ma Tei Exit B1
Spread across five floors of an unassuming industrial building, Full Cup Café is well worth taking the time to find. It’s a hipster’s dream: homey, funky decor, with a hybrid live music room, a chilled-out secret rooftop, and a gift shop full of quirky items. Wedge yourself into a comfy sofa and nod along to some live acoustics. Hey! Did your eyes just close? Oh, you were just resting them? Quick, pick a drink from their magazine-style menu, peel your eyes open and step back into the daylight. Wait, it’s no longer daylight? What day is it?
A beer costs… $70
3-7/F, Hanwai Commercial Centre, 36 Dundas St., 2771-7775.
 
23.   Jordan Exit A
Stumble down Temple Street to its quieter end and you’ll find the sedate O2 Pub, a time warp of a laid-back English-style tavern. However as you roll up to the bar to be greeted by the affable owner, there’s also something unmistakably Hong Kong about it: Blue Girl in buckets, electronic darts, and TV screens blasting Cantopop classics. Stumble back up Temple Street. A fortune teller yells: “I see a hangover in your future!”
A beer costs… $56
262-264 Temple St., 3106-0382.
 

24.   Tsim Sha Tsui Exit C1
You are 23 bars in and this is to be your final, mother of all drinks. So make it count: 30 floors up to the vertiginous Eyebar, which sprawls across the top floor of iSquare in posh resto Nanhai No.1. Make straight for the alfresco deck (carefully dodging couples on romantic dates), which looks out over Victoria Harbour. If you can still see it through the working telescope—bravo, you’re abnormal!
A beer costs… $70
30/F, iSquare, 63 Nathan Rd., 2487-3988.
 
CONGRATULATIONS!
You’ve reached the end of the line, alive! One question: Do you still have your sombrero and your buffalo wings badge? Didn’t think so…
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Disclaimer: The editors of HK Magazine do not suggest that you actually attempt this pub crawl. Please drink responsibly and go easy on your Octopus card.
 


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Charley Mulliner devises the first-ever circular MTR pub crawl. Do you have what it takes to pull it off? Also test-driven by Sam Hui, Melody Kong and Priscilla Yu.
