Last week was supposed to be my annual Halloween Costume column, (twice yearly if you consider my annual Rugby Sevens Costume column, which you should). Alas I instead wrote about the TV Show Editor-in-Chief Zach Hines and I wrote, “Grace” (watch it on HBO On Demand!), promoting myself as any struggling writer must do. “You’d better sell yourself, because nobody else will,” my grandmother used to tell me in a fictional universe I just made up in which grandmothers offer up column-worthy maxims.
But tradition demands a costume column, and so it shall be. Without these repeated rituals we have nothing, and here at HK Magazine we pride ourselves on writing the same thing about bags, hikes and bars over and over and over and over again. So here we go. Please read in your best Gossip Girl/Buzzfeed list voice:
Just because Halloween’s over doesn’t mean you can’t dress up. Here are some top costumes you can wear any Friday night out!
Slut (Male)
Not too hard. Tank top, hat and Australian accent, or business suit where parts of your body are literally falling out wherever holes are. Also try uttering this classic Hong Kong male slut credo: “I’m a pilot.” And yes, you can wear your uniform. Works every time.
Slut (Female)
This one is pretty easy too. Get a dress that barely covers your butt and hike it up a few inches. The more cleavage the better, and if you want to not wear a bra, you’re doing well. Try to go to places with heavy air-conditioning (i.e. everywhere in HK), so you’re nipping in as extreme a way as possible. You should also fall down constantly and show your underwear, and grab your friends’ chests while you take out a breast to drunkenly compare. Oh, you’re already doing this? Congratulations! You’re in Wan Chai.
Emergency Room Patient
Most hospital costumes revolve around gauze, bandages, fake blood, scrubs, wheelchairs, sexy doctor/nurse latex and rubber gloves. Not so, for you. For this you’ll need a dress, six Grey Goose shots, and very high heels. Head from the top of D’Aguilar to the bottom. Took a tumble and sprained your ankle? Time to head to the ER. Your costume is complete.