Argh, House Guests!

Seems like everyone we know has had their parents coming to town over the past few weeks. We thought it might be handy to put together a survival guide for people bracing themselves for out-of-town guests.

• Get your parents an Octopus card and point them toward the MTR, then turn off your phone for the weekend.
   
• No space for your folks in your tiny apartment? Send your “flatmate” to stay with his parents for the week.
   
• Show your folks Hong Kong’s seafood streets, where they can see where exactly the ocean’s ravaged and depleted resources end up.
   
• Take your parents to Occupy Central and then tell them that they have now been blacklisted permanently from China and are on several hit lists. Explain that this is probably a joke. But there’s no way to be sure…
   
• The Big Buddha can be really crowded, so send your parents there at the dead of midnight. Bonus points if you hire friends to harass them from the tall grass, Blair Witch Project-style.
   
• Dim sum is a great place to take your parents: when your mom asks about your plans to meet a nice girl and settle down, you can always distract her with a chicken foot. Look, a chicken foot!
   
• Make sure your guests check out Golden Bauhinia Square, one of Hong Kong’s most famous eyesores.
   
• Take mom to Stanley Market to pick up some souvenirs. This is a great place to finally tell her that you are gay and living with a Chinese man.
   
• Get their fortunes read at Temple Street, and buy matching dildos on the way out.