Condemning the American encirclement of China has become a fashionable topic among well-heeled Hong Kong Chinese gathered at the dinner table. This is perhaps due to an increasing number of Hong Kong businessmen and professionals traveling to the mainland, where their Chinese hosts, mostly Communist Party members, have been hypnotizing them with the official version of the general propaganda. If you wish to take part in the process, this is how to proceed:
Once the piglet is served with a couple of flashing light bulbs as an appetizer, it is most convenient to slaughter Abe of Japan, America’s staunchest Asian ally, as target No. 1. Yes, the Diaoyu Islands belong to China, and we all know there will be a war soon and we’ll reclaim them. Taiwan’s Ma Ying-jeou looks like a sissy but he’s deceptive—the tender-talking, effete president has been long been a running dog of the White House.
When the steamed fish enters, it’s time to take on Australia’s premier Tony Abbott, who is forming an encroachment-partnership with Obama more solid than something you’d find on “Brokeback Mountain.” Even Vietnam is treacherously flirting with Washington for more McDonald’s to open in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City. The Indians always hate us (as much as we hate them; hence, the banquet does not include curry). Needless to mention the grinning Ninoy of the little Philippines, whose job seems to be to annoy us all the time. Malaysia cannot be trusted as it is Muslim—Obama’s mother was a big fan of Indonesia. So the US net has been spread wide to encircle us, leaving us with half a hole up in South Korea where we can possibly try to befriend that woman, another Park—the daughter of once the most unwavering anti-communist leader in Asia, Park Chung-hee.
It is easy to join the conversation when you are half-full and bored with the Yeung Chow Fried Rice. If you’re looking to quickly make your patriotic Hong Kong Chinese host happy—he is the one who pays the bill, after all—then add this red cherry to the cake: now is the best time for us to resume our alliance (yes, “our,” as Hong Kong is no longer British but a part of China) with the Russians. Putin will need to be as reliable a friend to Xi Jinping as Roosevelt was to Churchill, if we are going to bury the US and win the next World War (here you should go back to the right analogy involving Britain, rather than mentioning Hitler and Tojo).
When the fruit is served, it is a good time to plug that last remaining hole after you glance at your watch. Tell them you firmly believe that the Umbrella Revolution is funded by the US. This is the last jigsaw piece needed to make it a most pleasant evening.
The ambience of an abalone dinner party held by local businessmen in Central or The Gallop at the Jockey Club is so relaxing, you can just sit back and mumble into the mainstream without concern. Let your mouth get busy and full while your brain unwinds and switches off.
