An HKU study has found that Hong Kong kids are less fit than their mainland peers: 18 percent of students are overweight and 9 percent are obese. The study concludes that in the SAR, academic pressure does not leave kids enough time for exercise. No problem, tiger parents: we’ve got some handy exercise tips for your underachieving kids. Body Kumon. It’s like normal Kumon, but with a series of increasingly tortuous deadlifts all overseen by a severe matronly woman in a Mid-Levels flat. Nothing builds muscle like protein shakes. All students must spend their chemistry classes making their own by synthesizing amino acids so they’re fit for human consumption. If the student dies drinking it, they fail, which will seriously affect their chances of getting into HKU. Joshua Wong to get buff, start showing up at rallies and take his shirt off. Instant inspiration! Hiding motivational fitness messages in math questions. Winston weighs 187 pounds, but Winnie won’t go on a date with him until he’s under 150 pounds. If Winston loses a pound a week, how many days does Winston have to work out before Winnie will let him take her clothes shopping in Argyle Street? (Answer: Winnie is a Hong Kong princess and is not going shopping for anything less than a Chow Sang Sang gold necklace.) Show teen a Sexy Shirtless Accountants of 2015 desk calendar. To really motivate your child, next time you’re at the gym swap out the meaningless techno for Classical Chinese poetry and erhu beats. Modify CrossFit into DisappointedFit, a high-workout intensity program in which your parents push you to the very limits of your abilities in an unhealthy fashion, lest you shame your entire family. Make the ability to bench 150 pounds a mandatory requirement for kindergarten applications. Start a rumor that the winner of the Standard Chartered Marathon gets an automatic Grade 8 piano certificate (merit only). It’s pretty simple. Just stick to that time-honored fitness maxim: Eat less, exercise more, and get straight As on everything.