So, You Want to be Famous?

Hong Kong: a town where anyone can be famous if they really set their mind to it. Here are the fastest paths to fame and Facebook followers in the Big Lychee. By Adam White and Yannie Chan

Reading Time:10 minutes

Published: 4:00pm, 29 Jan 2015Updated: 4:31pm, 19 Oct 2016

Celebrity Tutor

You want to be one of those tutors grinning on the side of a billboard? Nothing could be simpler. Follow these easy steps and you’ll go from dingy Lan Kwai Fong crammer to building-adorning superstar. And it’s not just the glory that makes being a super tutor so appealing—Richard Eng, founder of Beacon College, reportedly makes US$1.5 million per year.

Make yourself famous (K.Y. Cheng/SCMP)

1. Specialize.

Every self-respecting celeb tutor has a specialty subject. Make sure you’ve got some letters to trail after your name with a further education course at HKU Space (2559-9771, hkuspace.hku.hk). Once you’ve got a qualification, you can pretend you know what you’re talking about and pass your wisdom on to the kids of Hong Kong.

2. Suit up.

So you’ve got the knowledge. Now you need the look. All proper celebrity tutors are in possession of an implausibly tight and shiny suit. Sure, you could visit a tailor and pick the shiniest suit fabric available (or if you don’t want to commit, hire a tuxedo from Mr. Yu’s Tailor & Tuxedo Co. (Room 802, Hung Kei Mansion, 8 Queen Victoria St., Central, 2398-7273)). But if you’re really looking to make a splash, then go for something fabulously glitter-clad from House of Siren (LG/F, 64 Robinson Rd., Mid-Levels, 2530-2371), which rents out party costumes for every occasion—including, presumably, your very first celebrity tutor gig.

3. Get shod.

Your gleaming suit is a go? Now you’ll need some shoes. Zee’s Leather Co. (Shop 18, 5-6 Middle Rd., Tsim Sha Tsui, 2368-2851) custom-makes shoes of all kinds, from $1,700. Like the suit, you’re going to want to pick out the brightest, shiniest pair that can possibly be concocted. Demand an unfashionable square toe to complete the look.

4. Style high.

No celebrity tutor is complete without ridiculously lofty hair that looks like it belongs in an anime. Keep your coiffure as shiny as everything else with liberal application of Gatsby hair products (available in Mannings and Watsons citywide).

5. Bus in.

So you’ve got the training. You’ve got the look. You’ve got the hair. Now how do you achieve fame? It’s not teaching ability. Nor is it loyal students or credulous parents. More than anything else, you need to have your face emblazoned on the back of a bus. Buspak (2235-3900, www.buspak.com.hk) will stick your coiffed self onto the rear end of the No. 10 for as little as $1,690 per week (minimum four weeks). Want to target a classier audience? JCDecaux Cityscape runs all tram advertising in Hong Kong. An ad on a tram will cost you from $16,500 per week (minimum four weeks plus $17,000 in installation costs, 15 percent agency and peak season fees apply).

We have a tram: you can have one too

Viral Sensation

Viral success is the new A-list, and it’s a lot easier to achieve than you’d think. There are three major routes to viral fame:

Select Voice

Choose your listening speed

Get through articles 2x faster

1.25x

250 WPM

Slow

Average

Fast

00:0000:00

1.25x