Hong Kong is set to end the financial year with a surplus of $60 billion—that’s six times larger than Financial Secretary John Tsang’s predictions, and the seventh year in a row he’s got it wrong. As a result, he’s offering $20 billion in sweeteners to the public. Here’s what’s being planned to tame you fractious lot.
Salaries Tax Rebate
Each person is exempt from paying income tax, provided they register for incarceration at Stanley Prison for the duration of their tax-free period.
$60 Billion John Tsang Rebate
A substantial sum will be earmarked for Kumon lessons to teach John Tsang mathematics, in the hopes that one of these days he will finally make an accurate prediction about the Hong Kong economy.
Increased Child Allowance
$2,000 more per month for Hong Kong parents to put towards piano lessons. Alternatively, if you are a mainlander, the authorities permit you to have more than one child.
Fishball Noodle Incentivization Scheme
Subsidizes $10 off every bowl of fishball noodles, allowing shopkeepers to charge less, or alternatively to put their prices up by $10 and claim that they’ve switched to organic fish.
Horse and Tiger Assistance
Heroin and siberian tiger penis subsidy intended to bolster Hong Kong’s flagging black market.