HK Magazine Archive

The September Bucket List

PUBLISHED : Thursday, 03 September, 2015, 2:47pm
UPDATED : Wednesday, 19 October, 2016, 4:48pm

20 things you must do in September:

  1. Finally get around to unsubdividing your flat.

  2. Join Ashley Madison, the world’s premier site for meeting other desperate bros.

  3. Introduce trace amounts of lead in your drinking water, so you build up a tolerance for the next health scare.

  4. Have an uncomfortable dream about Regina Ip, Ronny Tong and a vat of iced milk tea.

  5. Befriend a Legco politician. Dump ‘em at the end of the month.

  6. Write the Great Hong Kong Novel. Maybe the Great Hong Kong Short Story. The Great Hong Kong Facebook Post, at least.

  7. Geomance your colleagues. Everything’s better with feng shui friends.

  8. Spend 20 minutes considering switching careers. Look up how expensive it is to do an MBA. Cry.

  9. Visit Mong Kok, have a great time, say “we really should come to Mong Kok more,” never go again.

  10. Infiltrate a Hong Kong localist group, start conversations about how cool Guangzhou is these days.

  11. Take CY Leung dancing. The man is evidently in need of a lustful tango.

  1. Build up an illegal milk powder trading empire tin by tin, until your personal foibles and the authorities finally catch up with you, like some kind of a lactic “Scarface.”

  2. Now that he’s come out of the woodwork, tweak Donald Tsang’s bow tie like you always wanted to. Tweak!

  3. Go to Lan Kwai Fong and trip up the most Allan Zeman-looking man you see (unless he’s actually Allan Zeman)

  4. Meet Louisa Mak, the newly crowned Miss Hong Kong. Be rude about her tiara.

  5. Gaze upon the full moon during the Mid-Autumn festival through the charming glow of extraordinary amounts of industrial pollution.

  6. Pound a box of mooncakes (traditional lotus seed variety) in one go. Power through subsequent cholesterol-based heart palpitations, like a lunar boss.

  7. Support the Chinese stock market by stealing the identity of Alibaba CEO Jack Ma and buying more China.

  8. Wait it out until October in your secret underground bunker (tycoons only).

  9. Occupy Central, again. This time things will be different. Right?