HK Magazine Archive

The Bible According to Carrie

Chief Secretary Carrie Lam claimed last week that “there is a place reserved for me in heaven.” Poorly judged comment or evidence of total conviction in her actions? Either way, we got our hands on some of the scripture she’s been reading.

PUBLISHED : Wednesday, 04 November, 2015, 4:00pm
UPDATED : Wednesday, 19 October, 2016, 4:52pm

Yea, in the land of Hong Kong in the country of China dwelt Carrie Lam. And Carrie Lam held a powerful position in the land, and it was good.

And lo, the LORD appeared unto Carrie Lam in the Pacific Coffee on Hennessy Road, and said unto Carrie:

“I am the LORD your God, and I have chosen you to be my voice. Go now into the world, and with the trust you have built encourage the people of the city to have faith.”

And Carrie was full of doubt, and said unto the LORD:

“I doubt the path I tread. Is this current form of governance truly the right way to help my people?”

But the LORD spoke with love in His voice, and He said unto Carrie:

“I am the LORD your God, and I have infinite patience for all My people, even those who disobey the natural order. They must be made to see the path of righteousness and you, Carrie, shall be My prophet.”

But Carrie was still assailed by doubt, for her conscience was not clear. Said she unto the LORD:

“I am troubled by what I am commanded to do. I feel as if I must defend the actions of a regime I am
not comfortable with. How can this be the correct way? Also, no one likes my boss.”

But Carrie invoked the wrath of the LORD, and He spake with the thunder of ten thousand typhoons:

“Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to tell you to do what I tell you to do, Carrie? Honestly, would a little bit of loyalty go amiss? Also, loads of people like your boss!”

Then a barista did appear to deliver a cappuccino unto Carrie Lam, but did trip over a little bit of carpet and tear down a curtain from the wall, revealing a man hunched over a microphone.

And the voice of the LORD echoed from the wall:

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

But it was not the LORD behind the curtain, but CY Leung, bearing false witness agaisnt Carrie. And so Carrie knew this man for a false prophet, and rejected him, saying,

“Get thee behind me, CY! For thou art but a puppet of Xi, and thou lovest not the people of Hong Kong.”

And CY was banished, and at last a great peace swept over the land.

Here endeth the lesson.