HK Magazine Archive

Hong Kong's Solution for Anything? Just Bulldoze It

It’s time to bulldoze everything! Apparently, that’s the best way to get things done in this city.

PUBLISHED : Friday, 18 March, 2016, 10:17am
UPDATED : Wednesday, 19 October, 2016, 5:00pm

This week, Sheung Shui villagers returned home to find that their squatter huts had been unceremoniously bulldozed by a property developer. The village lies in an area selected for New Town development, but the residents said they had no warning at all, and they hadn’t even had time to remove identification documents, let alone personal belongings, from their homes. Can you sense a metaphor coming on?

Yes indeed: it’s time to bulldoze everything! Apparently, that’s the best way to get things done in this city.

Credit agency Moody’s has downgraded the SAR’s status from “stable” to “negative,” which you might have thought is pretty bad news as it symbolizes a lack of trust from the international community. But no fear! Bulldoze those credit rating bastards back to the stone age and THEN who’s negative?

Young people hitting the streets out of anger? Well, there’s no need to bulldoze them. That would be inhumane. Instead, when they’re out rioting just bulldoze the crap out of their homes. That’ll teach the upstarts to set foot outside, and create more space for new, higher rise apartment blocks. It’s win-win, unless you’re young. But who cares about them?

Haven’t managed to score tickets to the Rugby Sevens? Simple. Bulldoze your way into the South Stand and you’ll have a fantastic seat for all the action. Also, people will be super impressed with your awesome Bulldozer costume.

HKU student magazine “Undergrad” says that Hong Kong should be independent after 2047, which mainly leaves us pretty worried for the state of university education in the city. But no worries: all you have to do is believe… in a massive bulldozer which you can smash into government house until a cringing Chief Executive agrees to plead your case to China.

Unable to pass any kind of political reform bill? No worries! Rev up that bulldozer and just smash it through, like legislator Regina Ip always wanted.

Old buildings that are an inalienable part of our heritage and culture, a symbol of our unique origins? Nah. BULL. DOZED.

Kids are drowning in examinations, and exam reforms aren’t coming any time soon. Let’s just bulldoze their way to straight As! And by bulldoze, we mean “force them to study until they succeed or the stress becomes totally overwhelming, and no one knows how to deal with it because we can’t even work out how to reform an examination system.”

Our budget is yet again going to have a ludicrous surplus. Financial Secretary John Tsang can haul himself into that trusty yellow bulldozer, honk the horn a couple of times and bulldoze into the sunset, leaving the wreck of thousands of people living below the poverty line in his wake. Beep beep!