Along with the more health-conscious resolutions I made this new year - reducing my red wine consumption (by using a glass) being the most desperately required - my main vow for 2014 was to be a more positive, less cynical person; to focus on the good in everything. A week or two into my diet of optimism and everything had gone to plan, the other cheek was happily being shown and frowns had been turned upside down. The unusual positivity was rather fuzzy and pleasant but, of course, it could never last - not when a movie so ludicrous and insufferably pointless as Red Dawn (Fox Movies Premium, Saturday at 9pm) came along to shove an almighty stick in the spokes. Based on the 1984 John Milius-helmed movie of the same name - apparently a bit of a cult classic for a small minority of all-American gun lusters - this modern-day war drama, directed by stunt co-ordinator Dan Bradley, pits a group of young Americans against the invading troops of North Korea, rather than the Ruskies of the cold-war-era original. Chris Hemsworth (Thor, Rush) stars as Iraq war veteran Jed Eckert (the role originally played by the late Patrick Swayze), who has returned home to a reckless kid brother and steadfast father (Brett Cullen; Lost). When the pesky North Koreans, led by the more-handsome-than-evil Captain Cho (Will Yun Lee; Witchblade), begin to inexplicably drop out of the sky and "liberate" their sleepy town, all within about five minutes, the Eckerts manage to escape to a wilderness hideaway with a few high school buddies in tow. Under Jed's tutorage and with the aid of a training montage that would have made Rocky proud, the pack of dumb teenage rebels miraculously become a skilled guerilla army and take on the entire North Korean invasion force quicker than anyone can ask: "Isn't this 80s story a tiny bit irrelevant in this day and age?" The acting and macho dialogue are as risible as the plot is unconvincing. Red Dawn was meant to have been Hemsworth's Hollywood debut but its cinematic release was delayed when the studio hit financial difficulties. The film was held back even further during post-production when some wise movie mogul realised that making the invading army Chinese probably was not the smartest financial move. Amid growing controversy within China, the honchos at MGM used some swift re-editing and script changes to turn the enemy into North Koreans instead, finding themselves far happier to antagonise uncle-killing Kim Jong-un than risk losing the lucrative Chinese market. They needn't have worried. Thanks to Red Dawn I'll be aiming my resolutions a little lower next year. For now, I'm going to need a daily bucketful of merlot to wipe away every memory of this shambolic film.