The Dictator | The Dictator’s final pearls of fashion wisdom: know yourself, treasure your tailor and never, ever wear cut-off shorts

I’ve had it with you. Almost 18 years of answering your questions, and it takes just one look around to see you haven’t been listening. Well, that’s it. I’m moving on to more worthy pursuits. As a final good riddance, here are some parting pearls of wisdom. Do with them what you will. See if I care.

Let’s begin by saying goodbye to the most egregious of fashion crimes: cut-off shorts. I don’t care whether your thighs are perfect (0.1 per cent of you) or better covered up (the remaining 99.9 per cent). I don’t need to see your, um, cheeks, thank you. Let’s save millions of young girls from the hideousness of this interminable trend with a blanket ban.

Ignore trends if they don’t inspire you. Fashion should make you feel like the best version of yourself, not an inferior version of someone else. That is, unless you feel superior in cut-off shorts.

Know yourself and what makes you look good. Be honest. Buying a small size may stroke your ego in the shop, but it will also make you look fat when you wear it. Dress for your body as it is now, not your age or who you wish you were. Since most of us are incapable to seeing ourselves as we are, enlist a style consultant to help.

Ask questions. Lots of them. Find out where your clothes come from and what is their true cost to our society and our world. If you cannot find that information on Google or directly from the brand, then you know they’re hiding something.