How a book on Buddhist approach to happiness taught actor to forgive, and to put herself in others’ shoes
- Karrie Tan learned from the Dalai Lama’s book how to put herself in another person’s shoes, something that helped her in her professional and personal life
- When she picked up the book, she was struggling to get over her then boyfriend having an affair with her best friend. It taught her ‘we all want to be loved’
The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living (1998), the best known book by the 14th Dalai Lama, written with psychologist Howard Cutler, argues that humans naturally seek happiness, that happiness comes from within rather than from external circumstances, and that it is therefore available to everyone.
Karrie Tan Hui-lei, a leading actor with the Hong Kong Repertory Theatre, a director and a playwright, tells Richard Lord how it influenced her life.
I read it 20 years ago, I guess. At that time I was suffering a very painful issue in my life: my boyfriend was having an affair with my best friend. It was horrible and full of lies: you trust someone to love you, and then you find out none of it is true. I was full of hatred. My faith in love was in pieces.
When I saw this book, I noticed it had “happiness” in the title, and I thought, that’s what I want in my life. I didn’t know what to do instead of suffering. I picked up the book and started reading, and I felt so peaceful. At that time I only had a few ideas about Buddhism. I’d been in productions that used concepts from Buddhism, so I’d done some research to play Buddhist characters and, reading about the Dalai Lama, I’d appreciated the patience and forgiveness he talks about.
It was shocking when I went through the book chapter by chapter, especially the chapter about forgiveness. Cutler asks him, when his friends are being killed, how can he forgive the people doing it? The Dalai Lama says, “Anyone who does anything cruel to others, they must have their reasons, because we’re all the same.”