In Indonesia, more young singles are turning to marriage without dating

The practice known as taaruf, or introduction, is derided as old-fashioned but its resurgence is seen as a reaction against fears of a breakdown in traditional values

A movement called Indonesia Tanpa Pacaran (Indonesia without dating) is blossoming among young people, who make up about a quarter of the population

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Indonesian women attending a religious lecture on marriage without dating at a mosque in Bekasi, on the eastern border of the capital Jakarta. Photo: AFP

Published: 7:00am, 12 Mar 2020Updated: 7:31am, 12 Mar 2020

Frustrated after a string of break-ups, Dwita Astari Pujiartati quit the casual romance circuit and turned to a growing trend among Indonesian singles – marriage without dating.

The 27-year-old professor exchanged resumes with prospective suitors – helped by a Muslim cleric turned matchmaker – until she was contacted by a long-lost acquaintance who also wanted to give contactless dating a whirl.

There was no hand-holding or kissing. The pair did not even meet in person for almost a year, chatting on the telephone instead.

“Once we felt ‘the click’, [my now husband] asked my parents if he could propose to me,” Pujiartati said.

Indonesian women and men are separated by gender as they attend a religious lecture on marriage without dating. Photo: AFP

The practice known as taaruf, or introduction, is derided by critics as old-fashioned and more fitting to conservative Gulf nations like Saudi Arabia than relatively liberal Indonesia, the world’s biggest Muslim majority country. But Pujiartati saw it as a way to ditch dating that went nowhere and be a devout Muslim at the same time by avoiding premarital touching and sex.

“Why should I choose something that wastes my time and doesn’t please God?” she said.