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A video showing a Chinese father supporting his daughter’s choice to be single won praise online. Photo: Weibo

No date? No problem: enlightened Chinese parents back their daughter’s choice to be single

  • Video shot over Lunar New Year holiday shows progressive attitude of mother and father of 25-year-old woman
  • ‘What’s the use in dating 17 or 18 men’ if you don’t love them, dad asks

A viral video showing a Chinese father’s acceptance of his daughter’s single status and not forcing her to go on blind dates has earned praise from millennials who often complain about being pressured into finding a mate.

Titled “7 hours, 7 days in the Spring Festival”, the diary-style film includes clips of family conversations shot by a 25-year-old woman nicknamed Kaka during the Lunar New Year holiday at her family home in Shanghai.

“Why should you be in a hurry [to find a husband]?” her 52-year-old father asks in one clip. “I believe in fate … if it is not fated for you to fall in love, then what use is there in dating 17 or 18 men?”

“What if I’m still single in three years?” Kaka asks.

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“Then there is still no rush. Why should you be in a hurry? Even if it’s 20 years, that is no problem. What is waiting three years compared to that?” the father says.

“I will never set you up on a blind date. You are such an outstanding daughter, why on earth would I set you up with a partner?”

Kaka’s mother echoed her husband’s view.

“You are surely the best one to find your own husband. Why would you want your parents to be involved?” she says.

The video struck a chord on social media as Kaka’s mother and father are not typical of Chinese parents, who have a reputation for pressuring their children into getting married and having children to maintain the family line.

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“My dad said: ‘If you don’t want to marry then don’t marry. If you marry badly and divorce, it is even more bitter if you have a child to raise’. I only just realised that old people are more forward-thinking than I am,” read one top-rated comment on Weibo, China’s Twitter-like service.

“I don’t mind being single, I have already made preparations for old age,” said another. “I don’t have any obligation to become someone’s wife or mother, marriage and childbirth are not the only choices in one’s life.”

Kaka’s mother was equally supportive of her daughter’s choices. Photo: Weibo

Traditional Chinese values led to the phenomenon of “leftover women” – those who remain single beyond their late 20s and are often stigmatised for failing to meet society’s expectations regarding marriage and childbirth.

But a growing number of Chinese women are postponing marriage plans to devote more time to their education and careers.

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Such has been the backlash to traditional values that the government has launched a propaganda drive to encourage young people to marry and have children to stem the falling birth rate.

Lunar New Year is traditionally a time when Chinese singles face the most scrutiny from friends and relatives for their lifestyle choices. It is also common for parents to set up several blind dates for their children.

Some singles even rent a boyfriend or girlfriend to take home for the holidays to keep their anxious parents from prying into their love lives.

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as: Parents earn praise for refusing to push daughter to marry
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