A Chinese grandmother filmed giving candid relationship advice to her granddaughter to “marry what you need” has trended online in China, where many are challenging traditional notions of marriage. The video, posted on Douyin by an unnamed woman from southern China’s Guangxi province, who asks her 95-year-old grandmother, Chen Guixiao, if a woman should marry for love or money. The reply from Chen: “Just marry the one you love.” It surprised her granddaughter, who was not expecting such an open-minded attitude from her grandmother. The woman then asked: “Why not marry for money?” Chen replied: “If he doesn’t love you, you won’t get the money. It only works if he’s willing to share the money with you.” Chen’s forthright and progressive answers have struck a chord with many people in China. “Grandma is quite clear-headed,” commented one person on Weibo. “I couldn’t agree more. At least when you regret your choice in the future, there will still be some good memories left,” said another Weibo user. Many pointed out that marriage in China today poses a dilemma for many women who often feel there are no good choices open to them. “The truth is, most people can neither marry for love nor for money. It’s more reliable to count on yourself,” said one person. Mainstream Chinese society’s definition of the “right” person is generally based on financial status. At many weekend matchmaking corners in China’s urban parks, parents are often seen listing their son or daughter’s job, income and housing to ensure their child has a chance of finding a match in a competitive marriage market. “Matchmaking is a mainstream way for people to get married in China,” said Shen Yifei, a researcher at Fudan University’s Department of Sociology and Family Research Center. “When marriage becomes a market, it’s inevitable that people will be labelled. They are looking for a match based on conditions, not love.” In recent years, anxiety about marriage has seen more people participate in matchmaking events without their parents. Some have even gone as far as revealing the financial status of potential matchmaking partners on social media and asking for advice on who to choose.
