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Opinion | In China, the pressure on women to marry is deadly serious
Wedding-day death of Henan teacher highlights desperation of young women caught between modern hopes and traditional expectations
For 11 years after graduating from high school, a 28-year-old woman from a village in Lushan county in the central Chinese province of Henan had fought against pressure from her parents to get married. By her own account, the woman, locally reported as Wei and a history teacher at Lushan’s top high school, had quarrelled, “gone crazy” and even made threats with a knife.
Her fight ended on December 10, when she wrote her last post on WeChat and jumped from the seventh floor of what was to be her marital home. It was her wedding day. “I have completed the biggest task of my life,” she wrote in what has come to be seen as her suicide note.
Reports of her death went viral. Many criticised her parents but many also wondered why such a young woman would choose suicide. As one comment said: “It’s just not worth it.” Another said it was “shocking that in today’s highly open, gender-equal and materially wealthy Chinese society, the tragedy of suicide to escape marriage still exists”, suggesting that Wei, despite having a decent career and better prospects than many of her peers, had yet to learn to be independent and speak up for herself.
One 30-something, who had gone to the best schools and spent more than 10 years abroad, was forced to attend the frequent dinner dates her mother set up. It’s a scary thought – two strangers forced to spend time alone, often simply because their parents had heard something good about the family.
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Another, just turned 40, still isn’t able to shake off her parents’ constant nagging. They claim they only want the best for her but she says they often set her up with men who clearly don’t. Her mum once arranged a coffee date for her with the son of a random stranger she met while exercising in the park, knowing nothing except his age and that he was single.