Advice: My family argues a lot, and reunion dinners are very uncomfortable. What should I do?
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Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)
It must be hard to hear your family fight all the time. While you may want to do something to help, it’s best to stay out of the argument.
Go to another room or head outside and do something you enjoy. If you’re eating, you can take your food with you.
It is not your job to be the “middle person”, and you should not be the one to fix their problems. If you feel sad, scared, worried, or upset about their arguing, wait until things have calmed down and tell them how you feel. They might not realise how their actions impact you.
If you feel like things are getting out of control, talk to someone you trust; this could be a relative, teacher, counsellor, or another adult you feel comfortable with.
Talking to someone can help you feel less alone, and they can give you support and advice.
Talk it out
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Do you have any safe places outside your home where you can go if your parents argue? Where are these places?
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Use “I” statements such as “I feel bad when you shout at each other” when talking to your parents. This will help them understand how their behaviour affects you. What other “I” statements can you come up with?
The question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and director of therapy and counselling at Jadis Blurton Family Development Center, Hong Kong.