Janice's pregnancy gives birth to false rumours
ASK not for whom the headhunters' phones have been ringing. They have been ringing for Janice Wallace.
But the top-rated broker is not for sale.
Last year, Ms Wallace, formerly of Baring Securities, jumped ship to head for rival brokerage Goldman Sachs, at a hefty salary.
Barings bosses insisted she take a break of several months, to forget all the hot corporate stuff she knew, before working for a competitor.
After five months at home, she was considered to have achieved a suitable degree of amnesia, and took her chair at Goldman Sachs late last year.
That was when she and her husband discovered her enforced rest had had another effect: she was pregnant.
Her equatorial expansion is now highly visible, and has triggered a flurry of stories from male brokers, the main ones being ''Goldman Sachs is furious and has sacked her'' and ''Janice has resigned''.
Neither is true. ''They've been very good about it,'' Janice told us last night.
The chaps can moan all they like about women having to stop work and produce offspring. This is male chauvinist twaddle. She has every right to have both a baby and a career, and so does every modern woman.
The fact that these words are being dictated to us by burly female reporters from the South China Morning Post is neither here nor there. Honest.
Maternity outfit MORE baby news. Ted Thomas, father of thousands, is pregnant again.
Newly discovered to be carrying a baby is his wife Nicola. When she got pregnant with baby Cassandra in 1991, Ted bought her a gold Rolls-Royce because of the thick layer of metal, leather and walnut between the outside world and the driver.
''We're in trouble this time,'' said Nicola last night. ''The Rolls-Royce is out of commission.'' What if it's twins? Will he buy her a tank? Truth at all cost JUDITH Cabot of Mid-Levels passed a clothes shop in Cameron Road with a sign saying ''$20. Silk Scarves.'' The shopkeeper had printed above the sign ''NO BARGAIN''.
An admirable example of truth in advertising.
Touching advice RICHARD Gardener of Shouson Hill Road took his son Andrew to the Hongkong School of Motoring in Wong Chuk Hang to enrol him for driving lessons.
Would-be drivers take a test by using a touch-screen computer.
Before starting it, the young man was handed an ''Important Notice''.
''Candidate is required to answer each question by touching the appropriate area on the screen with his/her figure only,'' it said.
Richard said: ''The mind boggles as to what part of one's anatomy one might be tempted to use.'' Maybe they do it this way to test a candidate's general dexterity.
On the job JOHN Butts of Park Place was reading Locksmith Ledger magazine when he came across an ad seeking a locksmith in Omaha, Nebraska.
''Benefits package includes lovertime,'' it said.
''This could be the ideal job,'' said John.
We hope this catches on in Hongkong. We'll never be satisfied with just coffee breaks ever again.
Auto eroticism FINANCIAL guru Leon Richardson set his huge brain thinking what Phil Rosenberg could do with his BMW yuppiemobile, due to be chopped in two.
Some young people, who get used to romance in cars, find it difficult to adjust to romance indoors, said Leon.
He showed us a passage in The American Scholar Magazine in which a graduate writes: ''Most of my contemporaries, when first married, install a steering wheel and gear shift in their marital bed to make easier the transition to normal conjugal sex.'' Leon added: ''Perhaps Phil could rent these parts of his car to newlyweds.'' Phobophile REGGIE Bosman of the south side tells us that we are misusing the word ''homophobia''. It actually means ''fear of sameness'', and should not be confused with Uranophobia, which means fear of homosexuality.
Mind you, we suspect that the incorrect meaning will takeover from the correct one.
It is amazing what people are scared of. Reggie sent us this list: Arachibutyrophobia - fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of the mouth.
Eurotophobia - fear of female genitals.
Gamophobia - fear of marriage.
Hedenophobia - fear of pleasure.
Homilophobia - fear of sermons.
Metrophobia - fear of poetry.
Philophobia - fear of falling in love.
Verbaphobia - fear of words.
Incidentally, if fear of the Pope is Papaphobia, does this mean the Pope has Sinead O'Phobia? Ring worm WE would like to withdraw our suggestion that a women's toilet is the wrong place for a picture of convicted rapist Mike Tyson.
''It all depends whereabouts in the toilet it is placed,'' said Tony Giles.