Once bitten ...
Discovering a set of small teeth marks on your child's arm or leg can be upsetting. Much worse is the stigma that comes with owning the biting child whom no one wants to play with. Why has your child suddenly turned into a mini-vampire, and how can you stop him or her regularly sinking their teeth into playmates or siblings?
According to family doctor Kath Reynolds, biting is a normal part of development, and children bite for a variety of reasons. For toddlers, biting might be just another sensory experiment, a sign of boredom, fatigue, hunger or even affection. Or, sometimes children bite because they're frustrated or angry and can't find a better way to express themselves.
Reynolds says a biter is often a family's youngest child, who feels powerless compared with his older siblings. Most children bite, hit, lie, cheat and snatch at some point simply because they haven't learnt how to behave differently.
'Young children don't always realise their behaviour is unacceptable,' says Reynolds. 'They need to be educated, not necessarily punished. Even very young children care when someone is hurt, but might not realise they were responsible. It's up to the parent to let them know. If you turn a blind eye or otherwise condone it, it will happen again.'
Reynolds says that, if your baby or toddler takes a bite out of your arm, put him down immediately, show your disapproval, and let him know he has hurt you. If he bites another child, separate the two immediately, and comfort the victim so your child doesn't receive extra attention for doing something unacceptable. Then explain, calmly and firmly, that biting hurts and that it's not to happen again.
She says parents shouldn't be tempted to bite back, because that sends confused messages and may reinforce the behaviour. Children may not realise that the pain they've received from a parent's bite is related to their actions, particularly if they're very young.
Reynolds says children don't need to know how it feels to be bitten, just as they don't need to know how it feels to be burnt by touching a hot oven. Instead, concentrate on building a child's self-esteem and ability to express themselves, because it's far better to encourage positive behaviour with praise, hugs, and gold stars than try to discourage with punishment.
It's also a good idea to provide opportunities for children to mix with others, to develop their understanding of how their actions and moods affect their peers. Awareness and the ability to change behaviour to influence their friends' responses is seen in children as young as 22 months, Reynolds says.
Even the most determined biter should grow out of it by the time he's two-and-a-half. But if the biting becomes more frequent or intense and is present for months, despite firm explanations and positive behaviour alternatives, then it's time to seek help from an expert.