The art of being polite
'He is the very pineapple of politeness'
Mrs Malaprop from the celebrated 1775 play, The Rivals we often find ourselves asking others for help or asking people to do things for us in everyday life. Asking a person politely is called making a request.
In the street, you may find yourself being asked directions by a stranger.
For example:
Tourist: Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest MTR station is from here?
Mr Chan: No problem, just keep going down this road until you see the sign on your right.
Tourist: Thank you.
The structure used in this polite request is: Could I/you +
(verb) infinitive
A cousin staying at your home has developed a very annoying habit. You have to speak to him to complain about his behaviour without stepping on his toes.
For example:
John: Hi Jeffrey, could you not play computer games past midnight every night? I can't sleep because of the noise.
Jeffrey: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know it was bothering you.
The structure used in this polite request or complaint is: Can/Could you not + (verb) infinitive
At school you may find yourself asking other classmates or teachers for information or help. Similarly, at work you may need colleagues to help with minor or more urgent matters. If we were asking our boss to do something for us, we would use much more formal language than when speaking to friends or classmates.
For example:
Louisa: Robert, I was wondering, would you mind lending me a hand writing this report? It's quite urgent. Mr Chan wants it by this Friday.
Robert: I just have to finish up this document first, but I'll be able to help you tomorrow, or is that too late?
Louisa: No, that'd be great. Thanks.
The structure used in this polite request is: Would you mind verb + ing.
Making requests and complaints:
Have a look at these different examples and situations. Can you spot the complaints?
Excuse me ...
Can I ... help you, madam?
Could you ... help me with my maths homework?
Note that could is more polite than can.
Do you think you could give me a hand to hang out the washing?
I wonder if you could tell me where the nearest MTR station is?
Will you sit down, please?
Would you mind stop kicking the back of my chair, please?
Would you mind if I turned the air-conditioning on?
The structure used for: Would you mind if ... is followed by the verb in the past tense.
Exercise
Match these requests with their responses. Try to guess what the situations might be, too.
Requests
a) Can I borrow your calculator, please? I've lost mine.
b) Would you mind if I joined you for lunch?
c) Would you mind turning it down, please?
d) Will you go and say you're sorry to her?
e) Could somebody close the window?
f) Do you think you could put that cigarette out, please?
Responses
1) Sorry, Miss, I didn't see the no-smoking sign.
2) I suppose I should. I was quite rude to her earlier.
3) I'll do it for you if you like.
4) Not at all. Take a seat.
5) Sorry mum, I didn't realise I had it on so loud.
6) Sure, here you go. Just put it back on my desk when you're finished.
Whatever the situation, matter, or person, the language we use to make such requests will be different, depending on the importance of the request and the person. So the next time
you need to ask someone to do something, whether it's asking your teacher for an extension on your school project, or just asking a friend to get you a coffee, it pays to ask nicely. You'll find that you can get what you want easily when you learn how to be polite.
Answers
a. 6; b. 4; c. 5; d. 2; e. 3; f. 1