She’s a vegan, he’s a junk food fanatic. Couples with different diets or eating habits – can they survive?

Couples fight for a lot of reasons. Statistically, the three biggest relationship issues are sex, money and kids. I would argue food is right up there too.

It has been said that to eat with someone is as intimate an act as having sex with them. I said to eat WITH someone. I highly doubt any couple beyond the initial stages of attraction can keep up with three times a day in lust. But it’s not uncommon to be with your partner for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Over time, there are bound to be annoying habits and personal tics in the kitchen or at the dining table that grate on the other person. It’s human nature. The struggle is to not let dirty dishes left in the sink or used tea bags on the counter ruin an otherwise happy home.

Last week, a newlywed acquaintance of mine complained to me that she’s gained 10 pounds (4.5 kilograms) since marrying last year. Her husband is a typical bloke who doesn’t like vegetables and salads. To appease him, she’s cooking a lot more carb and meat dishes than she otherwise would. When it’s his turn to make dinner, it’s all lasagne, meat loaf and steak.

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There’s another aspect that’s worrying her. “He won’t drink water with meals. I made Chinese soup but he doesn’t like that so he just drinks beer and wine all the time.” The result is she ends up drinking more alcohol as well with her food. Her concerns are not only related to her weight, but her husband’s long-term health, too.

Some relationships don’t even get as far as the dining room because of each partner’s dietary customs. One serious foodie friend started dating someone Jewish and she let it be known that if he could not deal with her eating or cooking pork, that would be a deal-breaker. Happily, he loved her more than the Torah.

I have always assumed domestic food fights would be more serious between people with completely polar appetites. A vegan athlete with a junk food fanatic, for example, or a Michelin gourmand with a penny-pinching picky eater, or a Sichuan spicehead married to a someone who thinks Japanese curry is too strong.

However, these cases are actually not so common. Understandably, such opposites aren’t likely to attract over dinner. Like other relationship problems, either you compromise or one person completely dominates. I know at least two couples where the guy is so submissive he pretends to be vegetarian with his wife, but away from her, he’s ordering at least seafood, if not meat.

Most of us, though, manage our minor interpersonal food issues and adjust accordingly. One friend makes two different pasta sauces for dinner. “My wife doesn’t like thick wet sauces,” he says. “I end up making a separate batch for her that is drier and not tomato-based, be it herb butter and olive oil or a can of black bean dace fish.”

Luckily, my significant other and I both enjoy all varieties of cuisine. Sharing and exploring our mutual gluttony is one reason we get along – although I like innards and offal a lot more than she does. Still, sometimes our habits annoy each other.

It could be as simple as the amount of water used to cook noodles. I half fill the pan and she complains it’s not enough water. I say more is not necessary. She says it keeps the noodles from sticking together. I argue they won’t if I keep stirring, and besides, more water just takes longer to boil. Inevitably, she rolls her eyes and says those three magic words that end all our verbal arguments: “You’re. An. Idiot.”