New year, new you: 10 tips from a therapist for a happier new year without resolutions

New Year’s resolutions really only works for gyms.

They get lots of sign-ups, but more than half the people who make those costly commitments do not follow through on them.

Personally, I like to be inspired, not directed, and forcing myself into a smelly gym is not my thing.

Here are some other ideas about making changes that may work a little better for you too.

1. Believe in fresh starts. Most people either have that attitude or would like to have it. Make it a reality for yourself by adopting a fresh-start mindset. Everything is new again, and you get a psychic do-over on January 1.

2. See your resolutions as a growth process. Making a list of the changes you want to see in your life is a good way to start off the new year and knowing that you don’t have to do them all at once also helps.

3. Let go of past resentments. I do this every year. For most of us, everyday living can sometimes trigger bad memories. And even if you’re in the habit of regularly letting go of negative emotions, an annual purge won’t hurt.

4. Prepare for the year ahead. It may be a good time to do some financial planning, like creating a budget or getting your taxes going. Squaring away as much of your financial burden as you can at the start of the year will make the rest easier.

5. Choose a healthy lifestyle. This isn’t a one-time thing but rather an ongoing choice and attitude towards life. Joining a gym won’t help you if you eat junk food. It’s all about balance and making decisions that you just know are good for you.

6. Forgive yourself first. You may not see it, but you’ve probably been too hard on yourself this past year, and it would be good to let yourself off the hook. None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes and perhaps yours was not even that profound, so stop giving yourself grief. Let it go.

7. Apologise if you need to. Is there anyone to whom you owe an apology? If so, why not get it over with and use the holiday spirit as a motivational tool? Admitting you were wrong can be hard but living with the regret or guilt is harder. All it takes is a simple “I’m sorry”.

8. Be better to yourself. Usually we make resolutions for other people, but it’s wise to make a promise to be better to yourself as well. This doesn’t mean to be indulgent but to be physically kinder to yourself.

9. Keep your cool. This is going to be a very interesting political year [no matter where you may live], and everyone is going to have an opinion. I strongly urge you to choose to participate but to also keep any toxicity away from your relationships.

10. Keep your promises. A resolution is a promise you’ve made to yourself, and that’s a good thing. Keeping promises you’ve made to those who count on you is even better. We all slip up sometimes. When that happens, it’s important to remember that we’re only human and then have the courage to own up.

This is a new year, with new joys and challenges. Be open to the good, don’t hold on to the bad, and try to be a little bit nicer than anyone else. That alone can make for a good year.

Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.

Tribune News Service