Asking for a Friend: Help! All my friends are dating, but no one seems interested in me

  • Remember that your self-esteem shouldn’t depend on romantic relationships
  • Each week, we respond to a question from our readers, and our team of clinical psychologists gives advice and resources you can turn to
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We don’t blame you for feeling left out if all your friends are pairing off and you’re not. Photo: Shutterstock

Need an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us.

If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google form. Don’t worry, you will remain anonymous!

Dear Friend

All of my friends are dating, but it seems like nobody is interested in me, and it takes a toll on my self-esteem. I take good care of myself, but it looks like nobody is attracted to me, and I wish I could get dates like my friends. What should I do?

Best, No Love

What to do if you feel alone when your friends start dating

Dear No Love

It is normal for teens to go through a stage of life in which many of their friends suddenly become interested in dating and relationships. It may prompt you to think that since everyone else is dating, you should too, otherwise it means something is wrong with you.

But this is not the case. Your self-esteem shouldn’t be built on whether people are attracted to you, romantically or otherwise. You should see yourself for who you are and recognise what you are good at. Try to identify your achievements and abilities, develop them further, and allow yourself to feel a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction in yourself.

Listen to your heart, especially if it’s telling you to love yourself. Photo: Shutterstock

I am pleased to hear that you are taking good care of yourself. Good hygiene, dressing nicely, eating well, and exercising can improve your self-confidence and make you happy. Self-love and self-esteem are essential for building healthy relationships with other people. Before you rush into making any decisions on whether you should date, ask yourself if you are ready to date someone, or if you are just going along with the crowd.

Help! I think I’m too dependent on my boyfriend

When you are ready, you will meet someone special. It is better to wait and meet the right person to whom you are mutually attracted rather than rush into anything just for the sake of dating. There are various factors to consider, such as timing, circumstance, and the behaviour of the person you’re interested in dating.

While it is true that healthy romantic relationships can be good for a person’s mental health and make them happier, unhealthy or unfulfilling ones can undermine someone’s sense of self-worth and hinder personal growth.

If you do feel like you’re ready for a relationship, here are a few helpful pieces of advice to keep in mind.

What to do on a first date with a friend

Look for similarities

It’s important to have things in common with the person you’re interested in. It’s definitely easier to form a connection with someone if you have similar hobbies, values, personalities, and ways of thinking.

Having things in common plays a significant role in attachment and companionship, as people are more likely to establish and maintain successful relationships with those who are similar to themselves. You could start by looking for friends who have similar interests and views as you, and then deepen your relationships with them.

It may seem obvious, but having things in common is key to building a strong relationship. Photo: Shutterstock

Build personal charm

Sure, at first glance, people usually notice the person they want to date based off their physical attractiveness. They may be attracted to their energy, the way they dress, or how they carry themselves, and this makes them want to get to know someone better.

But remember that personality and social traits are important too. Being optimistic, genuine, positive, respectful, thoughtful, kind and warm are also attractive traits. Of course, you do not have to change your personality, but consider what qualities you posses that can help you interact better with other people.

My best friend and I flirt, but is it for real?

When you do meet someone, good interpersonal and communication skills will help the relationship grow. Smiling, showing interest in others and making eye contact during conversation can also build feelings. Relationships characterised by good communication and positive feelings are always happier. It also helps you gain support, trust and closeness in a relationship, and these elements are crucial for intimacy and love.

Hope it helps, Friend of a Friend

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