Udderly delightful and amoosing jokes for the Year of the Ox

  • If you think that once you’ve heard one ox joke, you’ve herd ’em all, read on
  • Don’t be a cow-ard; try these out on your friends and family
YP Team |
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Celebrate the moo year with these terri-bull ox, bull and cow jokes.

Where do smart cows go to university?
Ox-Ford!

Where do thrifty cattle find vintage outfits?
Ox-Fam!

What do you call a pair of very rarely seen conjoined twin bullocks?
A pair-ed-ox!

Why did the wild ox refuse to eat anything other than gluten-free sandwiches?
He was a silly yak!

Why do cows have hoofs instead of feet?
Because they lactose!

A round-up of famous people born in the Year of the Ox

What’s an ox’s favourite type of maths?
Cowculus!

Why do milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!

Why wouldn’t the cattle cross the road?
Because they were cow-herds!

Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!

What would happen If there were 1 trillion male cattle on Earth?
It would be terrabull ...

How do farmers count their cattle?
They use a cow-culator!

What’s the most common allergy among cattle?
Hay fever!

Why wouldn’t anyone play with the buffalo?
He was too much of a bull-y!

What do you call it when one cow spies on another?
A steak-out!

What do you call a buffalo at the North Pole?
Lost!

Jokes to flush your coronavirus worries away

What did the Instagram ox star tell his friends when he left the barn?
I am legen–dairy!

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!

Where did the bull take the cow on a date?
To the mooovies!

Why were the two bulls ignoring each other?
They had a lot of beef ...

Where do cattle find out what’s going on in the world?
The Daily Moos!

Some of these jokes may be a bit unorthod-ox.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a Smurf?
Blue cheese!

How do you know a buffalo is hiding under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!

What do get from a cow that has everything?
Spoiled milk!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!

Did you see all those furry cows chasing their tails?
Many yaks!

Hit a bullseye with these cow idioms

Why don’t cattle practise archery?
They might hit a bull’s eye!

Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder warm!

How do Spanish cows thank their hosts for dinner?
Moo-chas grass-ias!

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated!

What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A farm animal that’s in a baaaaaad moooooood!

We're crossing our fingers that the Year of the Ox won't be an udder disaster.

Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm!

Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump over a barbed-wire fence?
It was an udder disaster ...

What does a cow do when it has the upper hand in a situation?
Milk it for all it’s worth ...

What do you get when you sit behind a cow?
A pat on the head!

Why are cows always broke?
Someone’s always milking them dry!

What do you get from very small cows?
Condensed milk!

Where do cow farts come from?
Their dairy-air!

What did the cattle build their homes out of?
Cottage cheese!

What do you call an invisible bull?
Steer clear!

What do you call a sleeping ox?
A bulldozer!

How do you stop a bull charging you?
Take back your credit card!

Colour idioms to brighten up your writing

What do you call a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it?
Mount Heiferest!

Where do busy bulls buy their clothes?
Cattlelogs!

Why does everyone avoid riding cows in the Himalayas?
They never stop yakking!

Did you hear about the crazy old bull that tried to get his story in the newspaper?
No one would publish his story, he’s an un-authored-ox.

What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
Well, you can’t wash your face in a buffalo!

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