She also researched therapy and appropriate schools for Vincent, all the time doubting whether her efforts would yield positive results.

“There was so much stress that I didn’t even know if there would be light [at the end of] the tunnel,” she recalls. “Now, there’s more awareness about what autism is. But back then it was very scary for a young mother.”

Mother and son have come a long way since then – Vincent, now 13 years old, attends mainstream school and is a track athlete.

Hong Kong father steps up to become autistic daughter’s mentor, coach and hero

Two years ago, he suggested they share their knowledge to help others. This month, in celebration of World Autism Awareness Day, Hong Kong resident Li – who has a background in publishing and runs a multidisciplinary studio called 21 Concepts by day – is launching Optism, an online platform dedicated to providing resources for parents whose children have autism.

It has autism-related resources and articles to help parents with their child’s day-to-day needs. Some articles answer common questions, while others offer tips and advice. Examples include “5 Must-Read Children’s Books on ASD”, “Understanding Hong Kong’s Special Needs Trust”, and “3 Top ASD-Friendly Airports in Asia”.

“For neurotypical families (whose members have the brain functions, behaviours, and processing considered standard or typical), travelling is very fun. Not for us, because you could have a screaming kid with a meltdown because they have noise sensitivities,” Li says of the latter article.

“It’s the caretaker who often takes on the burden of stress,” she says, which is why she wanted to create an accessible platform for parents to find answers easily.

The restaurant was conceived by Maria Sung Law Man-kwan, who sold her apartment to set it up in 2011 to give her autistic daughter a sustainable job.

“Who would have the nerve to sell her own apartment?” Li says. “I just feel like it’s really important that we show parents and families [that] there’s some beautiful stories out there.”

Also on the platform is an article featuring the Norwegian-British champion jockey William Buick, whose son has autism, and another spotlighting American basketball player Tony Snell, an NBA veteran who was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, and credits his success to his autism-related hyperfocus.

The platform also contains a feature called “Ask Optism”, an AI chatbot developed with a team of graduates from the Chinese University of Hong Kong.

Users can ask about autism and receive immediate answers. For example, one can type in “My son is eating tissue. What’s wrong?” and learn that this could result from a condition called pica, in which those with ASD may eat inedible objects, often for sensory feedback.

“This is not supposed to be medical advice, but there will be an explanation for why he’s doing this, and what can be done,” Li says. “I really want to integrate AI technology to facilitate the process of looking for research … It will take so much stress away from parents.”

The chatbot could also be helpful for educators or coaches.

“I could be a junior school teacher with no experience of teaching children with ASD,” Li says. “But if one of 36 could be on the spectrum [as per figures from the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention], very likely I could have a kid on the spectrum in my class.”

Optism’s target audience is Asian; Li found during her research that many autism-related resources are Western-focused. She plans to launch a Chinese language version next month.

“If you log on to Autism Speaks, one of the largest [autism-related] NGOs in the world, everything is American-focused,” she says. “We really want to, in a way, fill in the gaps. My biggest aspiration is to really build a community of parents.”

She hopes to reduce the social stigma surrounding autism in Asia. “Generally speaking, in Asia, disability or anything to do with autism is not part of an open dialogue,” Li says. “In Asia, in the last 10 years, so much tragedy has happened.”

“When he was in court, when they actually had neighbours testify, they said he was the most doting father. He loved his son. And [when they] asked what his motive was, he said, ‘I’m getting old. I don’t know who’s going to take care of him’,” Li says.

Meanwhile, in Singapore, a 50-year-old father killed his twin sons in 2022 – both of whom were diagnosed with ASD – because he believed that taking their lives would relieve his wife’s burden.

“Parents are taking their own lives, because there’s nowhere to turn … When I hear about things like this, as a mother who understands the whole experience, I tear up, because it’s not just the financial [burden], it’s not just the emotional [stress]. Having a child on the spectrum messes up your entire family dynamic,” Li says.

“You might have in-laws who don’t accept it, or maybe your husband is in denial. Maybe you have a neurotypical child in your family who thinks you’re not even giving them enough attention. The marriage … everything is flipped upside down.”

Aside from emotional stress – Li took a break from work in 2018, feeling burned out – having a child with autism is a huge financial stress, she says. “We’re paying so much money for therapy, and often, insurance in Asia does not cover these services.”

The difficulties of raising a child with autism vary – because autism is a spectrum condition, every case is different.

“You would assume people would be very understanding and supportive, but sometimes it can be difficult because it [can be] a hidden disability. You can’t tell if someone’s autistic or just acting ‘naughty’.

“I remember when Vince was young, a lot of times he would have public meltdowns, and I would actually have complete strangers in a mall saying, ‘He wasn’t taught to behave well by his family’.

“Things like that happen in Asia, and I found it shocking. It was horrible because it wasn’t because my son was naughty, but because he had a condition.”

With Optism, Li hopes that she can relieve some of the burden from parents raising children with ASD, and bring some hope, joy and optimism into their lives.

“I want people to understand it’s not a death sentence for a family,” she says. “I want people to be positive about this whole journey, because it’s a difficult road to walk. [But] there is a way out of this, and there are so many of us.”