LettersBad sex isn’t just about incompatibility in the bedroom, but embedded imbalances between the sexes
- A society that treats women as the second sex will leave them sexually unfulfilled
Sex is often, unfortunately, tied up with dominance and subordination, thus closely associated with which gender a society and culture empowers, and with who has greater economic means, more cultural or even physical resources, among other factors.
When women in Chinese societies experience less sexual satisfaction, it is not because of sexual incompatibility in the bedroom or the sort of things Ms Tam wrote about, but because of gender inequality which is structurally embedded. As it happens, psychiatrists, therapists, clinical psychologists, counsellors and doctors who tend to see things in terms of what individuals do to each other in bedrooms, boardrooms and barrooms, have for decades barked up the wrong tree. Jane, Debbie or Mary is first and foremost treated as a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a female employee, all of whom have less share of power in all known Chinese societies, Hong Kong included, now and in the past.
I guess feminism has not come to “Asia’s World City” yet, or it has come and gone. Women in Hong Kong remain the second sex. A good sociologist would insist any discourse on sex between a man and a woman must be conducted within a framework that begins with the premise of women being treated by society as a second sex – and ends with a stance that debunks it.
Let’s be clear on whether we are discussing bad sex, bad partners or bad gender politics.
Chan Kwok Bun, founder and chairman, Chan Institute of Social Studies