LettersIf Hong Kong’s protests are the symptoms of a city in self-destruct mode, condemnation will not help

In counselling, especially when dealing with destructive behaviour, we balance the need to accept the person and the desire to change the behaviour. Efforts to convince or condemn someone in the midst of hurting himself often backfire – the person loses trust in you and runs away from help. When we are overwhelmed with emotions, reason alone is often insufficient or even counterproductive. Rather, we must first feel understood and our needs acknowledged. Empathy is shown – and cultivated – by exploring and acknowledging the person’s emotional pain. When we feel heard, we are more receptive to reason and change.

Hong Kong is now a self-destructive patient. While it is important not to reinforce problematic behaviour, condemnation and accusation – no matter how warranted – would backfire. We have seen this too many times in the past two months; the outcry only gets louder and defiance more extreme. Justice is paramount but the timing of exercising justice is also important. Now is the time to stop the bleeding. We do so by listening and acknowledging the underlying pain, regardless of whether we agree with what is demanded or condone the means taken.