Letters | Close friends hold the key to your health and happiness

Readers discuss the importance of good relationships in the age of social media friends, the underprivileged in our midst, and why Hong Kong needs English-speaking tourism ambassadors

Hong Kong

Letters

Published: 11:30am, 28 Oct 2023

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Your well-being is not only about exercise and diet, but also friendship.

In 1938, Harvard scientists launched a programme to track the lives of a group of young men, hoping to discover the secret to leading healthy and happy lives. Summing up the decades-long study in 2015, Robert Waldinger, the programme’s director, said that close relationships, more than money or fame, help delay mental and physical decline.

However, with the rise of social media and smartphones, as well as the pandemic, interpersonal relationships have suffered.

In the United States, a survey found that the share of people saying they have no close friends increased from 3 per cent in 1990 to 12 per cent in 2021. Similarly, 58 per cent of Britons reported having no more than 10 friends in a 2021 study; 7 per cent said they did not have close friends.

Friends are not easy to make, and time is an important input. Research by the University of Kansas estimated that it takes around 50 hours to form a casual friendship, 90 hours to go from casual friends to friends, and over 200 hours to become close friends.

Further, middle-aged people need to work harder to manage friendships because social circles start shrinking when people are in their mid-20s, according to a 2016 study.

So how do you keep friendships going? One way is to meet more frequently. If you follow the 200 hours rule, a meal generally takes two to three hours – that’s about 70 meals, at least, and if you meet twice a month, it takes about three years to develop a close friendship.

In Hong Kong, residents’ mental health was found to be unsatisfactory for the last five consecutive years. Meanwhile, according to official UK figures, more than 123,000 people – probably including your loved ones – have arrived in the United Kingdom through the British National (Overseas) route. Even though social media gives you a feeling of proximity, you can’t cry on a shoulder that is geographically distant.

The weekend is here. Instead of staying glued to your mobile phone at home, may I suggest you gather your friends. This not only provides fun and comfort, but you will also help improve each other’s mental health.

Dr Winnie Tang, adjunct professor, faculties of engineering, social sciences and architecture, University of Hong Kong

Small things we can do for the underprivileged

l refer to your editorial, “Tackling the wealth gap should be high on Hong Kong leader’s agenda” (September 24).

The state of the local poor can be flabbergasting to many of us. l remember that when I was working at a church organisation as a tutor, l met a student who didn’t have HK$2 to take the tram and was often late for lessons on account of having to commute by foot.

Another student couldn’t afford hamburgers and would be overjoyed to be treated to a McDonald’s meal.

A third student didn’t have a proper bed at home. He and his brother had to sleep on mattresses during their formative years, and were suffering back pain.

Poverty is no joke. Fortunately, these underprivileged children have all grown up; some have become useful members of the community. My question remains: had they been better off when they were young, could life have been less bitter?

The chief executive’s measures to help the underprivileged are most welcome. As responsible middle-class residents, we can do our parts too.

We can pick an underprivileged group we care about and send a cheque to the relevant charity organisation. We can also join the organisation’s activities. We can donate our surpluses (mooncakes, festive gift boxes) and send what we do not need (clothes, furniture, electronic items) to the relevant collection points.

As Mother Teresa once said, “Don’t look for big things, just do small things with great love.”

Jacqueline Kwan, Sai Ying Pun

In welcoming foreigners, don’t put cart before horse

I refer to “Expand in-town check-in services” (October 20).

Your correspondent is strangely bothered about bidding farewell to visitors, when our city’s unwavering goal should be to enhance English communication and make foreign visitors feel welcome.

In parallel with our night market campaign, the authorities should deploy English-speaking tourism ambassadors to mingle with foreigners, initiate interesting conversations and add to the welcoming vibe, so visitors can leave with fond memories.

I used to have breakfast at a Super Sandwiches outlet, amid mainland and foreign visitors – and robot waiters. Often, foreign diners seemed to want to turn to someone and make a wisecrack about the robots, but when they had no such luck, they would collect their things and leave their table.

If there had been an English-speaking ambassador around to share in the fun and maybe even take a photo, it could have led to more orders for food, and a pleasant story to tell later.

Edmond Pang, Fanling

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