The pros and cons of being an older parent

Democratic Party legislator James To Kun-sun joined a growing segment of Hong Kong families when he became a father for the first time last year - he's an older parent. Now 49, To says he is thrilled to be a father. "I love children. Whenever I see my friends with kids, I always go over to play with them." Sue, his wife from his second marriage, didn't share his excitement but she has been very happy since becoming a mother, To says. Both being middle-aged professionals, the couple don't have the financial worries that might plague younger parents. "Although my work as a lawyer before I joined politics paid better … we still have savings and investments," says To. But given his high-pressure career and gruelling schedule, the devout Christian says he will count himself lucky if he is able to see his son complete high school. "The average life expectancy of [Hong Kong] men is 78 but mine will probably be below average because I have been doing tiring work for years," he says. Thankfully, he adds, it won't matter too much if he dies before his son grows up as the boy will be cared for by many people, including his wife, who is seven years younger. To is keenly conscious that age will inevitably sap his stamina and wonders how it may affect raising his son. "My son is a boisterous kid who never seems to get tired. I am no match for him. I'm a little worried that I won't be physically fit enough later to play with him," he says. As in many developed countries, growing numbers of people in Hong Kong are becoming parents relatively late in life. Family counsellors attribute this trend to several factors: people's tendency to put off starting families while they focus on advancing their careers; the higher rate of divorce (and remarriage), advanced fertility treatments and medical care that allow women to have children in their 40s (and even 50s). Census and Statistics Department figures show that the birth rate among older parents is rising at a pace far exceeding that of younger ones. The number of babies born to mothers aged between 40 and 44 almost doubled from 2,207 in 2007 to 4,364 in 2011. Babies born to women above 45 years old rose at a similar rate, from 114 births to 231 over the same period. In contrast, the number of babies born to women aged between 25 and 34 years old rose 30 per cent. A similar pattern was observed in men; babies born to younger fathers aged between 25 and 29 rose by 28 per cent and the rate for men aged between 30 to 34 went up by 21 per cent. But among fathers aged between 40 and 49, births grew by 48 per cent. Discussions about late parenthood tend to focus on how it may adversely affect the child. The impact of older mums on the development of the fetus is well documented compared to older fathers, says Grace Wong Ching-yin, an obstetrics and gynaecology specialist at the Family Planning Association. So while the medical community generally defines older mums as those who conceive after the age of 35, there is no definition for older dads. "No one knows whether men aged 45, 55 or 65 are considered old age [dads]." More recent research has suggested that children born to older fathers run a higher risk of developmental and cognitive problems including schizophrenia and autism, while the risk of babies sustaining chromosomal abnormalities such as Down's syndrome is linked to maternal age. Older mothers have a higher chance of developing complications like gestational diabetes, eccysis (when the embryo develops outside the uterus) and miscarriage. However, many find there are positive aspects to starting a family later: parents typically have more established finances, and they are more emotionally prepared to raise a child. After all, parenthood is about providing love, nurturing and guidance. Former radio host Michael Leung Kai-cheung, 56, is another older dad. He has a 29-year-old daughter from his first marriage and two young children from his second. Leung reckons John, nine, and Cindy, six, have benefited from his being an older dad. "I became a father for the first time when I was 27. I hadn't settled down then, and was always out drinking, watching movies with friends and attending business dinners. I didn't have much patience for raising a child then," he says. "But now, I am a hands-on father who helps with homework and reads bedtime stories with reading glasses." Leung, too, has changed his lifestyle for the sake of his young children. "Due to the age difference between me and my children, I pay special attention to my health now. I eat less junk food, go to the gym every day ... I also invested in education funds so that my children would have a safety net in case anything happens to me." Deciding that being a DJ was not stable enough for a family man, he even switched careers, setting up a training centre with partners in 2005 and taking a masters in education to brush up his teaching credentials. "When [my son] turns 15, I will be over 60 ... I had to come up with a way to extend my money-making life," he explains. But after a year, Leung sold his stake in the training centre and now only works part-time. "It's too exhausting doing a full-time job and being a hands-on dad. I want to be able to spend more time with my kids as they are still very young. I don't have the stamina to run around with my son on the soccer pitch, but we do many activities together like fishing." Still, medical advances and greater awareness about diet and health mean middle-aged men like himself are sometimes in better shape than younger men, he says. "I feel young although I am over 50," Leung says. "In the past, people in their 50s or 60s were already walking with crutches. But now, many middle-aged men have as much energy as young people in their prime." For Esther Ma, the go-getting CEO and founder of public relations firm Prestique, delaying motherhood caused problems when she did try to conceive. Ma, 47, and her husband agreed after she set up Prestique in 1996 that they would defer starting a family until the firm came into its own. "I'm a goal-oriented person. Once I decided to have a baby when I was 36, I approached it like a project and sought the help of infertility experts. I got hormone injections and tried intrauterine insemination (IUI), which is less extreme [with sperm introduced into the uterus], than in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Ma conceived three times through IUI, but miscarried each time. "The third time was dangerous as [the fertilised egg] was lodged in the Fallopian tube. The tube would have burst if the [embryo] had continued to grow. I eventually had an injection to dissolve it." Years of hard work also affected her constitution, she says. "From hiring staff to expanding clientele, I had to be involved in every aspect of my company. My work weakened my body." Chinese medicine helped her wellbeing and Ma later tried IVF, during which doctors extracted her eggs for fertilisation in a lab before returning them to her uterus. Again, it failed, but she didn't give up. Ma tried IUI again and, remarkably, it worked. "I had my first daughter, Quisha, who was born seven years ago, when I was 40. One-and-a-half years after that, my second daughter Tiqa was born, also with the help of IUI." The joy of being a mother made everything worthwhile, Ma says, though she winces when recalling her painful journey to get pregnant. "It was so stressful. When I did IVF, I was the first one at the queue at the infertility clinic every day. I underwent general anaesthesia for the egg extraction." "I had a caesarean section for both births as it was easier [on my schedule]. I didn't take any maternity leave and worked until the last minute. I served as master of ceremony at a function just three days before delivery. Immediately after giving birth, I was checking my e-mail and BlackBerry. But I exercise, run and I did pregnancy yoga, so I recovered quickly." An actively engaged mother who joins many of her daughters' school activities, Ma reckons her decision to delay parenthood was a smart one. "I am emotionally mature when I become a mother. I have been with my husband, who is the same age as me, for 28 years. His investment banking career was established by the time he turned 30, and we enjoyed our life as a Dink [double income, no kids] couple. "At the beginning, we thought it was OK to be childless as we shared lots of interests like golf, skiing and scuba-diving. But later ... I felt a part of me was missing as I saw women around me having babies. So we gave it a try and we now have two adorable girls, whose birth is my greatest achievement in life." Likewise, To says his career-minded wife has warmed to motherhood. They conceived naturally and her pregnancy went smoothly, although she delivered by caesarian section. Their son, Samuel, proved to be a hardy little boy and a sound sleeper. "We were able to sleep soundly for seven hours which is very rare for new parents. Raising him has been so easy that my wife thinks another baby is not such a bad idea," To says. "We might try for another baby but we will let nature take its course." elaine.yau@scmp.com

The pros and cons of being an older parent

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}Having children later in life means more emotional and financial security, but it carries increased health risks, writesElaine Yau

Having children later in life means more emotional and financial security, but it carries increased health risks, writesElaine Yau