Why your core erotic blueprint is key to a better sex life and relationships

  • Knowing your erotic blueprint means having a deeper understanding of your needs, wants and desires, according to a relationship coach
  • It also helps to identify a clear pathway to boosting libido and sexual arousal
PUBLISHED : Sunday, 13 January, 2019, 11:03am
UPDATED : Sunday, 13 January, 2019, 11:03am

Understanding our sexuality can be a lifelong journey, as human sexuality is not only an intense personal experience, but is highly diverse, deeply complicated and can have a ripple effect on our relationships.

It is natural for young people to explore their sexuality by trying to experience different sexual feelings, thoughts and behaviours with other people, so as to make sense of their sexual identities. But it is not uncommon to see people still struggling to get a grip on their sexuality well into adulthood.

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To truly grasp our sexuality is an important part of knowing who we really are from the inside out. How we feel now, though, may evolve over the years as we find out more about ourselves. This is why it can sometimes take a lifetime for a person to fully explore and manage these feelings, which are often triggered by their sexual instincts.

Having a better understanding of our sexuality can influence sexual and relationship satisfaction. It may sound a complex concept to master, but luckily we all have our individual “core erotic blueprint” (CEB) to give us some directions.

Once you understand your CEB type, you have a map that helps you easily communicate with compassion, and which provides tools for finding the pathway to pleasure, says Nathalie Sommer, a certified relationship and intimacy coach.

“When we discuss someone’s blueprint or wiring we are referring to the part of the body’s physiology or neurology that determines or controls something. Likewise, a person’s CEB refers to the fundamental way that one is erotically wired and reveals the best paths for their sexual arousal,” Sommer says.

“This blueprint can reveal a person’s detailed information as to what types of sexual responses they may have, and what types of strengths and weaknesses they may have that relate to their sexuality.”

A CEB is created from a combination of our genetic make-up, how we were brought up by our family and, to some extent, how we are influenced by our friends. For example, people who experienced a limited amount of physical contact and intimacy within their family and friendship groups may have a particular wiring that makes it hard for them to feel what is happening in their bodies, Sommer explains.

Fortunately, while we all have a core blueprint, we are each able to create new wiring thanks to neuroplasticity, thus expanding the expression of our own sexuality.

There are five CEB types used to class people: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and shape-shifter (i.e. adventurous).

Knowing your erotic blueprint means having a deeper understanding of your body to feel more aligned with your needs, wants and desires. As a result, a person will gain greater self-confidence in and out of the bedroom, Sommer says.

You can take turns by first feeding one person in their blueprint and desire and get them into their high arousal state and then you switch
Nathalie Sommer

It also helps to identify a clear pathway to boosting libido and arousal, which means greater sexual fulfilment, she adds.

For those in a relationship, understanding each other’s erotic blueprints helps you feel a greater connection so that you can genuinely enjoy spending time together.

“Understanding your own and your partner’s erotic map can help you shift a mediocre, stale or rote relationship into one filled with adventure, fun and excitement because it shows you pathways to greater sexual health such as better erections, orgasms, improved libido and staying power,” Sommer explains.

But what if two people’s CEBs are not compatible?

“Most couples don’t have the same primary blueprint or the same stacking of blueprints. By stacking, I mean, the same primary, secondary, third and fourth blueprint. But that doesn’t mean you are not sexually compatible. It just means that you both need to learn to speak the other partner’s erotic language and feed into their deepest desires.”

Once you understand your CEB you need to familiarise your partner with your desires as a starting point. The next step is to find out if somewhere in your blueprint stack you have something that’s arousing to both you and your partner, Sommer says. It is like a jigsaw puzzle, as you are trying to find pieces that seamlessly fit into each other, and no two pieces fit the same.

“You can take turns by first feeding one person in their blueprint and desire and get them into their high arousal state and then you switch. That way, it turns into an ebb and flow pleasure wave,” Sommer says.

Even those who are not interested in sexual intimacy can find fulfilment.

“Understanding in your blueprint doesn’t necessarily mean sexual intercourse,” Sommer says. “It can just be about understanding what type of touch you like. Reconnecting through touch and building anticipation can be a great aphrodisiac and naturally lead to desiring the other person and wanting more. Understanding yourself and your partner and giving each other what you both desire will naturally reignite the spark.”

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Sommer believes that learning about CEBs brings a whole new awareness to a relationship.

“The erotic blueprint guides you to your own erotic psychology, so you can easily understand your own sexuality and the sexuality of your lover,” she says. “It is like going on a journey of discovery together that gives you both the feeling of being fully nurtured, allowing you to continuously expand into your deepest desires. It’s an opportunity for both partners to honour each other’s body and its desires.”

Those interested in learning more about CEBs can join the “How You’re Erotically Wired” workshop at Sally Coco in Tsim Sha Tsui on January 15. [email protected]

Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post