This Valentine’s Day, knowing exactly what makes your partner feel special is the key
- Romance is not all about showering someone with gifts, unless that is the way you usually show affection in your relationship
- Making sure that what you do is meaningful is the most important thing of all
The annual day of love is just around the corner. Although some of you might have given up on celebrating Valentine’s Day because it has become too commercially driven, you can still make it fun for your partner.
First off, make sure the message you want to convey to your lover will make a personal impact, or at least leave something of a lasting impression. Telling someone you love them is not just about how romantic it sounds, but how authentic that message is. It does not always have to be expressed verbally, so think of a more creative method.
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A good way to explore the most romantic way of expressing “I love you” is to first determine your partner’s preferred “love language”, according to Valentina Tudose, certified dating coach and relationship expert at Happy Ever After, a Hong Kong-based dating agency.
“When we understand how our partner needs to be shown love, we are able to communicate our love in a way that makes the most sense to them, verbally or otherwise,” Tudose says. “If your partner’s love language is ‘quality time’, for example, taking the day off work to spend time together – without kids, mobile phones and emails – can be a very powerful and effective way to show your love.
“If they like ‘words of affirmation’, a great way to start is to make a list of three or five things you think your partner does differently that you really like. For example: ‘I really like it that you are always taking time out of your day to send me a little message to make me laugh.’
“Or, ‘I love that whenever I’m tired from running around after the kids all day, the first thing you do is to give me a foot massage’ and other thoughtful things like that.”
For those who want to create some extra special moments on this day, Tudose has some fun advice up her sleeves.
For new couples, she suggests exciting, high-octane experiences such as a roller-coaster ride, a Formula One driving experience, or a virtual reality safari, to name a few. These kinds of dates can lead to deeper commitment because falling in love also involves adrenaline and dopamine; these are the two hormones that are present when we have a lot of fun and when we are in love.
“For newish couples [and weather permitting], it’s a good idea to have a night hike to check out the amazing Hong Kong skyline with a beautiful cheese platter and cold champagne. A good spot is a short and easy hike to Braemar Hill Lookout. Or maybe have an evening picnic in the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Park. Some delivery services have special picnic packages that will come in handy,” Tudose says.
As for more established couples or those who have been together for a while, she suggests going on a one-off cooking class together or maybe attend a wine-tasting workshop or an art-jamming session to create a special piece of artwork together.
These activities are good for more established couples because exploring a new shared passion together can counteract the natural distance that comes from taking each other for granted. They can help create new conversation topics and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
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Tudose also suggests attending a workshop on intimacy and making a deeper connection, or a couples’ retreat, as alternative options.
After all, showing love is not about showering someone with gifts, unless that is their preferred love language. A very thoughtful gesture or giving your partner something that they have really wanted for a long time is a more memorable way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, Tudose says.
Vera Lui, owner of Sally’s Toys, an intimate lifestyle shop, believes it is never too late to have some naughty adventures in the bedroom with your loved ones, no matter your age or how long you have been together.
“I once had a couple, in their 60s, coming into my shop to buy a special something to share. You can do something fun and totally unexpected for your partner anytime of the year or even once in a while, and it doesn’t have to be a special day at all,” Lui says.
I personally prefer to be unpredictable and sometimes celebrate Valentine’s Day one day early or one day late without telling my partner beforehand.
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Maybe you can do the same and that would definitely surprise them. Give Valentine’s Day a go this year, but do it your way and make sure you’re speaking the same language as your other half.
Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post
