The Naked Truth | How to get turned on, why you don’t need to be a sex god, and the value of ‘maintenance sex’
- From visiting an adult sex shop together to a night on the dance floor, there are many ways for long-term couples to turn up the heat
- It is important to be in the mood because it allows for a more intimate connection, says a clinical psychologist and sex therapist
People in long-term, committed relationships often find themselves stuck in daily routines or too preoccupied to have any spare capacity for engaging in intimate relations with their partner, whether physical or emotional.
When you are exhausted, it is understandable you won’t have any sexual desire or be in any state of mind for deeper interaction.
However, people in a new relationship naturally find it much easier to get in the mood because they are entranced by their partner due to the novelty of the relationship. Many colloquially refer to this as the “honeymoon period”, and this phase can vary from anything from a few months to a year.
There are different ways to feel turned on and be “in the mood”. There is the “spontaneous desire” that occurs out of the blue, the kind that makes you “raring to go” on a physical, emotional and psychological level. This desire has a tendency to manifest on its own, according to Dr Kristin Zeising, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.
Many women are familiar with the “responsive desire” where they need a highly erotic context to feel aroused, which means their reactions are influenced by circumstances and situations.
Sometimes the triggers can be psychological or emotional, making one feel close to their partner initially and then evolving into a desire to be physically intimate. In this case, their body may not be showing the physical manifestations of arousal but their mind is certainly ready, Zeising says.