David’s story began on a beach in 2012, when he proposed to Tina (also not her real name), and they began preparing for a dream wedding on the Thai resort island of Phuket.

To support his fiancée’s Christian faith and explore his own, David attended the church’s men’s conference. There, he heard author and Pure Desire Ministries co-founder Dr Ted Roberts speak about sex addiction, and signed up to attend Men’s Fraternity meetings, which welcome all men regardless of their faith.

Pastor Daniel Tse says weekly sessions each Tuesday evening begin with a meal, followed by a member or guest sharing a TED-style talk. Then they divide into small groups depending on what “track” members want to discuss, such as marriage, parenting, money or the workplace.

According to Tse, these tracks equip men with skills and practical tools that allow them to meet life’s challenges positively.

“In the battle of life and manhood, a man can encounter ‘landmines’, which may have devastating effects on him, his family and his future. MF [Men’s Fraternity] is a place where brothers who have been wounded by poor choices can come together, heal and get whole again,” he says.

When David joined Men’s Fraternity, Tina was excited, hoping he would make Christian friends. What she didn’t know was that his decision would derail their wedding plans.

At Men’s Fraternity, David met “brothers” who were open, honest and more authentic about their shortcomings than he could have expected.

“Everything shared is confidential, and it is liberating for men to have a safe place to share their brokenness without any fear of judgment,” he says.

After months of prayer and counsel, David felt ready to share the secrets he had kept from Tina. In June 2013, four months before their wedding day, David confessed to Tina that he had been repeatedly unfaithful to her with multiple partners. He opened up about his addiction to pornography and involvement with prostitutes, among other sex partners, leaving Tina in shock, then misery, then rage.

“My whole world collapsed as I realised the man I was about to marry was someone I didn’t know,” she recalls.

Tina had every reason to walk away, but over months of grieving and support from mentors at the church, she agreed to give David another chance. Putting the wedding on hold, the couple decided instead to focus on their faith and relationship.

David knew he had risked everything by confessing, but after meeting this new “life changing” community, with mentors he had come to look up to, he knew he wouldn’t be able to respect himself if he didn’t.

“Whatever the outcome, I was going to be a man of integrity and be the person I’d always wanted to become,” he says.

At the end of 2013, after hiking up a mountain, David proposed to Tina again, and they wed in May 2014. Five years later, they are happily married with two children. David has since led two Pure Desire sexual addiction study groups – devised by Roberts – and now that Tina has discovered the new David, she can’t believe she ever agreed to marry the old one.

“He did a complete 180 [degree turn], becoming considerate and making me feel secure. Before, we had arguments when he met old girlfriends for coffee. Now he was sensitive to my feelings and far more willing to share his own. He was also mindful of his friends’ influence and even changed two of his groomsmen before we got married. I truly believe that David joining MF caused me the greatest pain, but was also the biggest blessing,” she says.

The story of Andrew and Christy (who don’t want to reveal their full names) is also one of healing and hope. In 2010, Andrew relocated to China to take up a demanding job for a Fortune 500 company. He would fly back to Hong Kong once a week to visit his daughter, who lived with his ex-wife.

“I was aggressive towards people, influenced by the riches of Hong Kong and sought status. For me, materialism was the norm. I was judgmental, jealous and greedy for more of everything, not giving enough time to the daughter who needed me,” he recalls.

In 2012, Andrew was diagnosed with a rare form of skin cancer, leaving him numb with fear. He resigned from his job to undergo treatment in his native Australia, and found himself asking a God he had never believed in for help.

After returning to Hong Kong in 2014, Andrew met his current wife, Christy, who was running her family’s business, and they married in 2015. A year later they were struggling with money problems and issues involving Christy’s ex-boyfriend. A neighbour suggested they seek guidance from Island ECC.

“I was desperate to find a way out of my financial issues and approached Pastor Daniel. He provided an insight into God’s view of money, explaining that it is essentially all His money and that we are only stewards of it. This changed my perspective and I realised, for the first time, the responsibility I had in handling it,” Andrew says.

In 2018, he volunteered for a mission trip to Vietnam.

“Serving people in Vietnam softened my heart. I felt myself changing and I liked who I was becoming. Trusting God was hard, but when positive changes came, I found myself believing in His ways. I even sold my collectible car and donated all the proceeds, which made me happier than keeping the money ever would,” he says.

Andrew joined a care group with his wife to help them walk together in their faith. He has also started leading a Pure Desire group at Men’s Fraternity.

“My life has turned around,” Andrew says. “I am no longer a slave or worshipper of money. I am a much more involved father to my daughter. And after five years of my first cancer diagnosis, my doctor claims that all looks good. This, I believe, is only by the power of God.”

Newlyweds Brendan and Portia, who are involved in the family’s philanthropy foundation, also experienced positive life changes since Brendan signed up for a mission trip to Vietnam in 2014. On his trip, Brendan met men who behaved counter to everything he’d been taught.

“My grandparents and parents lived through wars and worked very hard for the family. They survived by having an attitude of ‘suck it up and just get on with it’. My dad learned this from his dad, and I learned it from my dad. Emotional vulnerability was not something you dealt with; at best it was an awkward topic you bottled up,” he says.

Meeting other members of the church made Brendan curious to learn more.

“They were openly vulnerable, discussing their shames and weaknesses, and seemed to find great strength in doing so. Difficult men’s topics were discussed without judgment and supported by an encouraging ‘brotherhood’. I was intrigued,” he says.

Brendan adds that he was initially nervous about joining. Being a church group, he assumed they would hard-sell faith and the Bible. But after being part of Men’s Fraternity for five years, he says that is not the case.

Asked how Brendan has changed since joining Men’s Fraternity, Portia says: “He is less defensive, open to feedback and far more transparent. This is the building block of trust and has changed our marriage from being good to great. We all need friends who will hold us accountable, so that, as the scriptures say, ‘We may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another’.”

Men’s Fraternity takes place on Tuesday nights at Island ECC. For more information contact [email protected]