How to explore sexual fantasies and desires without shame or guilt – the energy will empower you
- Take ownership of your sexual power and tap into the ways it can improve intimacy with a partner and change your life physically, emotionally and spiritually
- Never let taboos make you feel shameful or undeserving of embracing your inherent sexuality; explore the Tantra and Tao to extend your sex life into old age
One splendid way to dote on yourself is to celebrate your sexuality. A failed relationship often leaves us feeling shattered and abandoned, but do not let it take away your sexual power because it is yours to embrace, nurture, expand, and celebrate – with or without someone else.
Take ownership of this energy no matter what because it is brilliantly uplifting on many levels – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Never let cultural constraints make you feel shameful and undeserving of sexual confidence. Make efforts to tap into this marvellous energy and use it to open yourself up to other creative energy pathways for an all-round better life experience.
Understanding this sexual energy is a form of self-love that can help one experience a deeper dimension of sex beyond the physicality of sexual intercourse, says Valentina Tudose, a certified dating coach and relationship expert.
To unleash this sexual power, Tudose says we need to first overcome cultural hurdles that often view sexuality as a taboo, and accept that our sexuality is a very creative force when used correctly.
“Connecting to our sexual self can be empowering and inspirational. It means we are allowing ourselves to fully embrace, accept, and connect to all parts of who we are, without judgment and limitations. To unleash this power, we need to allow ourselves to be sensual and sexual so as to give ourselves permission to explore fantasies and desires.”
She says: “Being connected to our sexual self means we are more in touch with who we really are, we can live more authentically, express ourselves creatively, emotionally and verbally in a deeper, more ‘real’ way. It also allows us to open ourselves up to more intimacy and foster deeper connections with others, be they lovers, friends, family and even professional connections.”
Greater sexual power means more awareness of our ability to connect deeply with ourselves and to open up more to other people.
This conscious quest for authenticity within ourselves leads to stronger connections with people, and in a relationship it can really enhance a couple’s experience of love, Tudose adds.
The exploration of one’s sexuality starts with ourselves and needs to be a private internal experience of self-discovery
The good news is we all have this sexual power, but often we hide it under layers of shame and guilt because we have been told by our parents, partners, and society that it is something we should deny. The best starting point to explore and nurture this power is to understand what are the beliefs that have created these barriers and challenge them.
“By challenging the beliefs around what being sexual means to each person, we can all open ourselves up to a more vivid and enjoyable sex life. This allows our sexual energy to give us the juice for life so many of us are lacking in a world full of stress and loneliness,” Tudose says.
What if one partner is not that much into exploring their own raw sexual power? “If one partner is willing to explore their sexuality more while the other is more conservative, it definitely does not mean that the more adventurous partner needs to give up this quest for more pleasure,” Tudose advises.
“The exploration of one’s sexuality starts with ourselves and needs to be a private internal experience of self-discovery. The better we know what we need to feel joyful and alive, the more we can use this power to guide our partners on a journey of discovery of their own.”
But she stresses that this needs to be done carefully and lovingly by helping the partner challenge their own beliefs, and by reassuring them every step of the way that whatever their boundaries are, they will be respected and honoured, all while expanding one’s sexual horizons.
What if there is an imbalance of sexual power between a couple? Tudose says: “We allow our sexual energy to express naturally. That translates into a flow that is never constant but usually adjusts to the environment and people around us. It is also not always one-sided, as sexual desire tends to fluctuate a lot.
“The good news is that no matter what stage of sexuality you are in now, with the right attitude and the right support everything is possible.”
Tudose stresses that we should not let age diminish our sexual power, as our sexuality is closely linked to the production of sex hormones.
“With sexual power and sex drive it is a clear case of ‘use it or lose it’,” Tudose says. “If we block our sexual power and reject it – which means stopping ourselves from feeling sexual – we are effectively telling our body to redirect that energy somewhere else. So the less we think about sex the less sexual we feel.”
There are many ancient practices like Tantra and Tao, which teach us that when we cultivate sexual energy on a regular basis by incorporating our sexuality into our spiritual practice, we can greatly extend our enjoyment of life, and increase our energy levels and ability to feel sexual until pretty much the end of our life, she adds.
Whatever path you need to take to connect with your sexual self, just remember that it’s OK to be nervous, apprehensive, or unsure of what’s to come, but that is part of what will make the journey so rewarding.
Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post
