Parents must allow their child to cope in their own ways. They need to help them express and deal with all their emotions.

Leaving such complex emotions unchecked will cause negative feelings to fester into something ugly. As a parent, you must have the courage and sensibility to tackle these difficulties alongside your child.

To a child, their parents’ divorce can mean that their whole world has turned upside-down. No matter the age, children will always feel a huge loss witnessing the dissolution of their parents’ marriage.

First and foremost, parents need to be sensitive, patient, understanding and sympathetic. You need to understand that your child is also transitioning into unfamiliar territory.

Children may fear losing their routines because of this massive change, so you need to provide routines for your child as a way to preserve stability and structure, all of which are a source of security,

even though they might need to adapt to new living arrangements.

Maintaining routine also means not changing the way you treat your child and resisting the temptation to spoil them. More often than not, we see divorced parents showering children with gifts and holidays to compensate for their guilty conscience, but this is not sustainable.

Both sides need to make a commitment to maintain a civilised relationship and avoid fighting or arguing in front of the child. Neither needs to put the other party down to feel superior, nor should anyone play the victim.

Furthermore, be sure not to fight over matters concerning the child, otherwise they might think they are the source of trouble and blame themselves for their parents’ issues.

Don’t make a child take sides and force them to choose which parent they love more. It is wrong.

This kind of power play is toxic to a child, and shows utter disregard for their well-being.

It is also vital that you avoid turning your child into your confidant during a divorce. Your child is your child; they are not your relationship counsellor or legal counsellor.

Having both parents actively involved in bringing up a child despite a divorce provides a good foundation for a healthy childhood. I know of a woman who hated her ex-partner so much so that she even changed her daughter’s surname to adopt her maiden name. She even lied to her that her father was her uncle and denied him joint custody.

No matter how traumatic a divorce is, both parents must tell the child what happened in an honest but age-relatable manner.

Let your child know that your love for them will not change or be affected in any way after the break up.

Children are remarkably resilient, and stronger than we would give them credit for. They can heal and emerge even stronger when given the support and love they need.

But to be able to do that, they need you as parents to be honest, supportive, and consistent in your actions to prove to them that even though the physical circumstances of the family unit have changed, the love from both parents will remain unchanged.

At the end of the day, it is all about reassuring the child that their world will be OK, and they will be too as long as you do not draw them into your emotional wreckage.

Above all, take care of yourself so that you can be 100 per cent ready for your child. Setting a positive example will allow them to draw the same positive energy and strength from you, and it will allow you to heal together.

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post