Some people have been shocked to find that their family members – children, siblings, even their partners – hold a different view from them.

It is hard to avoid talking about something that’s all around us, and it’s only natural that people will have differing opinions about what’s happening in Hong Kong (just like many other things).

To maintain peace and harmony in relationships, couples should bear a few tips in mind, says Sonia Samtani, a clinical hypnotherapist and a relationship and wellness coach.

“First, you must come from a place of acceptance and understanding of your partner, rather than proving who is right. For those who are not actively involved, don’t give this topic more significance than [you would] having differing opinions about any other topic,” she says. And if you really have to discuss the issues, set boundaries and ground rules for discussions in the family.

Healthy boundaries have two qualities. First, they allow all parties to communicate respectfully with the understanding that people have differences. Second, these boundaries are flexible and can be reviewed should the situation changes.

“Understand that every member in the family is equally important and has a right to their own feelings and opinions. Having differences in opinion doesn’t mean you love or accept each other any less. If anyone feels threatened or disrespected, they need to express their feelings, and the other person has to figure out another way to express their point,” says Samtani.

Other useful ground rules include not making brutal judgments or using harsh words such as “selfish” or “ignorant”. Stop assigning blame, and instead talk in specifics rather than using generalised postulates like “always” or “never”, she says.

When it comes to intergenerational discussions, parents should set an intention for the talk beforehand so that it will not head in the direction of proving who is right and who is wrong.

“You can say that we are not here to discuss who is right and wrong, we are speaking to understand each other. Only when each person agrees to this should you have the discussion,” she says.

Instead of judging your child, ask them what makes them feel that way. It would give you an understanding of their values and fears.

Avoid having these conversations flippantly while there are other distractions present, such as televisions and smartphones. If you are going to speak to a child that has an opposing view, give the discussion your full attention and observe body language, or you may miss a big clue to what could be upsetting your child, Samtani stresses.

“Parents need to remember what is important: love, connection and relationship, not agreement of every thought. It is dysfunctional to force your child to have the same view as you. Instead teach your child to make choices from a place of awareness and be responsible for their consequences.”

For people whose marriages or relationships have been or are being threatened as a result, the solution is acceptance, says Samtani.

“Judging each other causes pain and accepting each other results in harmony. Accepting doesn’t mean approving, or feeling helpless about it. Accepting is simply getting that this is who your partner is and being OK with that.”

With children, parents need to differentiate between them and their behaviour. The child needs to understand that no matter what, they are loved and accepted by their parents even if their behaviour isn’t, she stresses.

“To mend ties with your child, you can start by having a discussion rather than enforcing rules on them. You can also explain to them why you feel the way you do and ask them to do the same and give them the same respect you would give an adult in your manner of speaking,” she says.

It doesn’t hurt for parents to see things from their child’s perspective, she adds.

“It is natural for a child growing up during this kind of social unrest to feel uncertain, anxious, untrusting or angry. Allow your child to tell you what their emotions are and handle it with sensitivity,” she says. “You have to understand that behind all the defence mechanisms, your child is looking to feel safe, be visible, and feel accepted.”

The current divisive social situation can have a range of psychological and emotional impacts on people, especially those in families deeply divided by the political polarisation.

The range of feelings include: anxiety disorders, abandonment, post-traumatic stress disorder, violent or self-sabotaging behaviour, becoming withdrawn and incommunicative and sleep issues. In children it can manifest itself in poor comprehension, learning challenges, aggressive behaviour or bedwetting, says Samtani.

Five tips to counter negativity and boost positivity

1. Visualise harmony. See yourself as part of a tribe and imagine the beauty of seeing everyone at peace and harmony. Hold that image every night to anchor yourself.

2. Ask powerful questions such as, “If I were moving towards peace and harmony, how would I think or do differently?”

3. Create a safe space to express. Set aside times with your family to address your biggest concerns and just listen to each other.

4. Sleep in peace. The thoughts you have in the last 30 minutes before bedtime are crucial; those thoughts go deepest into the subconscious mind, percolate in your sleep, and you wake up with the same emotions. Don’t read news updates that make you worried or angry before you sleep.

5. Keep moving. Sports, exercise and yoga are great for releasing the energy of toxic emotions and can help get rid of emotional baggage.

Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post