Students with higher levels of discrepancy were more likely to experience symptoms of depression and have increased alcohol use. Furthermore, increased depressive symptoms were closely linked to self-medicated drinking.

Only strict mothers led to perfectionist discrepancy in children. Strict fathers encouraged children to have high standards but didn’t cause them to have depressive symptoms.

“We can only speculate that demanded obedience by fathers operates differently than demanded obedience by mothers. It may be perceived as a form of caring by fathers to have rules for offspring even when those rules are unyielding,” the researchers commented in their analysis of the results.

The effects of being strict on kids are different for mums and dads. Patock-Peckham said the inspiration behind her study was her students, whom she saw on a daily basis. “This model is inspired by some perfectionists who used to work in my lab. I became interested in this topic after observing some of my more technically talented students develop alcohol use disorders or relapse from alcohol addiction,” she said.

Alcohol became a crutch to help them cope. “These students seemed to be using alcohol to cope with their life issues at a greater rate than students who were more comfortable not being perfect all the time.”

Authoritative parenting can get a bad reputation and is often confused for authoritarian parenting. The latter approach is known for being too strict on children compared to other types of parenting styles.

However, authoritative parenting done correctly can raise children who are self-controlled, independent and happy. Try these simple steps to set high standards for your kids.

1. Listen to your child

While you are the authority, learn how to give your full attention to your child.

Authoritarian parenting doesn’t welcome children’s opinions. On the other hand, authoritative parenting allows your child to express any concerns or share creative ideas.

Giving your children attention helps them to feel acknowledged, loved, and valued.

2. Establish boundaries

Make sure your little one knows what’s expected of them.

Authoritative parents have clear rules that children follow. However, it’s more effective to explain why these rules exist instead of enforcing them based on your word. So instead of asking your child to “Go to bed because it’s late”, try “Go to sleep so you can grow bigger and smarter.”

Explaining why these rules exist invites your child to collaborate with you, instead of just following you without a say in the matter.

3. Show that there are consequences to actions

Instead of using corporal punishment, show that consequences naturally follow actions – good and bad.

If your little one refuses to stop playing games on the phone after you’ve asked them to, take away game privileges for the next day or the rest of the week. Then you can spend the time working on how to better manage situations to avoid these maladaptive behaviours.

Ask your little one “what could you do to limit your game time?” Invite your child to come up with solutions to build their problem solving skills. When your child does something positive, offer rewards.

You can use a sticker chart to measure progress. Let your child decide on the rewards so they are more motivated to achieve them.

Mothers that are strict can risk their kids becoming more dependent on alcohol when they grow up to cope with any perceived failure. Authoritative parenting effects instead lead to happier and more confident children. Try them out to see if they make a difference in raising your children.