How positive self-concept improves sex and relationships, and helps you cope with hardships
- People who have a positive sense of self-concept – which is similar to self-esteem – are noticeably better at maintaining successful relationships
- A greater awareness of ourselves stops us from projecting our emotions on our partner, and makes for a happy, confident couple
Every couple has their fair share of highs and lows in their relationship. When you are going through tough times with your partner, take positive steps by first accepting and acknowledging the situation and your feelings.
People who have a positive sense of self-concept, which is similar to self-esteem, are better at maintaining successful relationships or coping with hardships.
Conversely, those with weak self-concept often have low self-esteem. This makes it hard for them to accept responsibility, deal with criticism and tackle problems within their relationship.
Your self-concept or self-image is a collection of perceptions you have about yourself based on your behaviour, abilities, and personal traits. It’s everything you know about yourself. How you rate these perceptions and the extent to which you value them is your self-esteem.
Positive self-concept, coupled with strong self-esteem, improves our ability to receive and give love, and how we relate to others. This is particularly important in nurturing intimate partnerships. It also contributes to our mental and emotional health.
“Self-concept is basically what makes you think is you, be it emotionally, physically, and socially,” explains certified relationship and intimacy coach Nathalie Sommer. “In simple terms, it’s one’s self-identity. We form and regulate our self-concept as we grow, which is based on the knowledge and experiences we have about ourselves.”
That being said, different dimensions may constitute different kinds of self-concept. These aspects include self-esteem, self-worth, ideal self, identities or roles, and personal traits.
Sommer says that self-concept is important because it influences how we appear to others in the world. It also dictates how we act, feel and think, and helps us to understand why we act the way we do.
“For example, if you believe, ‘I am a kind and loving person’ or ‘I am excellent at my job’, these thoughts are part of your overall self-concept. These responses come from your internal sense of who you are. This sense is developed early in life, but it goes through constant evaluation and adjustment throughout life,” Sommer says. “It’s important that when we look at our own self-concept that we look at ourselves from a positive viewpoint.”
But some parts of our self-concept are more fluid than others and are therefore more susceptible to change. Ultimately, we decide and create our own self-concept every moment. But we also get to decide how we want to be influenced and how we feel.
“A great way to influence your self-concept is to practise mindfulness and work on your personal growth,” Sommer says.
The bottom line is this: do not let the outside world influence you and your sense of self-identity.
“Of course, we can’t change what families we were born into or with what beliefs we were brought up, but we are in charge of our own self-concept,” Sommer says. “Due to the neuroplasticity we all have, we have the chance to rewire some of the aspects we struggle with and truly discover ourselves and put that into a healthy view.”
We can improve our self-concept through ongoing self-growth and continuously working on ourselves, and identifying with the notions of “who am I” and “who do I want to be”, she adds.
This can significantly benefit the durability of a relationship and sexual intimacy.
“By understanding yourself and having a greater insight into ‘who am I’ makes it easier to remove emotions of shame and allows you to show up more authentically in the bedroom so that you can own your desires,” Sommer says.
Emotionally, when we have a healthy view of our own self-concept then we naturally create more self-acceptance, which is equal to greater self-love, she adds.
“For any healthy relationship, we need to first create awareness of our inner world. Once we’ve learned to love our inner world, that leaves us more open to loving our outer world unconditionally instead of coming from a place of neediness or insecurity,” Sommer says.
A greater awareness of ourselves prevents us from projecting our own emotions on our partner. In the long run this can help couples to avoid arguments and hurtful feelings, and turn to more constructive ways of growing rather than simply assigning blame.
After all, how can you love someone else if you do not even love yourself?
What is self-concept and its effects
● It is displayed uniquely with each person
● It is the overall idea we have about who we are
● It is a multidimensional view of ourselves
● It is not inherited but learned and self-created
● It develops through childhood and teenage years
● It changes over time
● It varies from positive to negative
● It influences our lives
Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post
