We can make immediate changes if we want to improve our health, such as exercising more or improving our diet. Making those changes can bring about quick results. But when we try to build mental and emotional strength, the outcomes are not immediately visible. Building mental and emotional strength is particularly important in times of crisis and uncertainty, and it goes without saying that the world is currently in a state of extended turmoil. Having mental and emotional strength gives us some invisible “muscles” to help us through tough times and cope with life’s difficulties. Like any muscle, these can be strengthened through steady and consistent training. When our emotional muscles are weak, we struggle to deal with life problems or emotional traumas like a romantic break-up . Training and enhancing our emotional strength can expand our mind, encourage us to venture out of our comfort zone, and increase our mental and emotional capacity. Such changes enable us to access and manage our emotional vulnerability so that we can move away from old habits that we have unconsciously conditioned. Being emotionally strong is to be strong enough to admit to yourself when you are feeling weak, while still being in control. Additionally, knowing your strength and your limits requires another level of awareness – something we are all capable of harnessing – but is not easy and takes a bit of practice. Sonia Samtani, a clinical hypnotherapist, life coach, and relationship and wellness coach, teaches how to be emotionally “fit” so that we can push past our limits and handle day-to-day stress and crises more calmly, effectively and easily. The act of unconditional love: how to love without limits Ironically, being emotionally strong doesn’t look like our stereotypical notion of “strength”, she says. On the contrary, emotional strength is about “allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable”. “Being emotionally strong is acknowledging how you feel, and allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions. The reason why we disassociate something as natural as expressing how we feel with the idea of ‘strength’ is because we have bought into previous societal norms that have conditioned us to believe that exposing our innate emotions of fear, anger and sadness is unfavourable,” she says. “Now that we are becoming more aware of how natural it is to feel all of our emotions, it takes strength to break free from our past conditioning and show how we feel. “Being emotionally strong is having the courage to accept and acknowledge all our emotions – both positive and negative. All of us have the capacity to do that. We just need to be aware and willing.” To boost and maintain your emotional resilience, get over the notion that expressing your emotions means you are weak, she says. You must be willing to experience pain as a natural part of life and acknowledge you are in possession of the full spectrum of emotions. Remind yourself that it is OK to allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment. And be mindful of your emotions when you are experiencing them, as well as the aftermath. Identifying our emotional weaknesses is also important, Samtani says. This is when you are not in charge of how you feel and as a result you end up suppressing or losing control of these feelings. We have to understand that emotional strength requires awareness and a higher level of self-acceptance, while emotional weakness is when we judge how we are feeling and employ preconditioned defence mechanisms to distract ourselves, she says. When you recover quickly from challenging situations and feelings of failure or rejection, you will feel lighter, freer and more at peace with life Sonia Samtani To build such strength, we need to first acknowledge that we have emotions that come and go and realise that they do not define who we are. “Our job is to allow ourselves to feel these emotions without wearing them like a badge of dishonour, or to refrain from judging and suppressing them. Being emotionally strong is about being able to honour and own your emotions,” Samtani says. The good news is there are telltale signs to indicate when you are gaining emotional strength. “We will know we are on the mend when we can express our feelings soon after we feel them, rather than keep them within and build more frustration. The suppression of emotions often causes us to feel heavy, uneasy or even physically sick,” Samtani says. “When you recover quickly from challenging situations and feelings of failure or rejection, you will feel lighter, freer and more at peace with life.” Signs you have upped your emotional strength - You accept and express your emotions and bounce back to your default setting quickly - You are less affected by cultural expectations, and more focused on your own needs - You feel more confident in expressing your feelings - You are less defensive or judgmental about how you feel - You set more boundaries, and have less of a tendency to please others - You are less emotionally turbulent and are more in control of your feelings - You are constantly learning from situations that made you lose control in the past - You recover quickly from challenging situations and feelings of failure or rejection - You feel lighter, freer and more self-expressed Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post