Technology has made it so easy for us to meet people and make new friends. And because of it, many people have dropped their guard in their pursuit of love. Not too long ago, many of us were still meeting potential love interests through friends, colleagues or at work. Back then, blind dates were often set up by friends who would know the other person. Therefore, personal safety in the presence of a stranger was less of an issue. Today, the role of a matchmaker is done through dating apps so the “pre-screen” process is absent. But so long as you follow some simple tips and prioritise your safety, there is no real harm in blind dating through such apps, says Valentina Tudose, a relationship expert and certified hypnotherapist. “Saying yes to meeting a stranger can be a nerve-racking experience, especially for introverts or people who find it difficult to flirt and relax in a new environment. The key thing to remember is that a date is not a job interview, and it does not represent a life or death situation,” she says. “If there is no spark then you’ve not lost anything, and you can simply go your separate ways. But if you two click, then this could be the love of your life. Just go in being prepared for either and enjoy the ride.” Tudose says the best way to prepare mentally is to determine whether you like this person enough – even at a superficial level – to want to get to know them better and see them a second time. “This is not about you deciding if they are ‘the one’ straight away or about you showing yourself in the best light possible. Just be as authentic as possible, and always be honest and direct. Go to the date with the basic curiosity ready for any new experience and any outcome.” Regarding personal safety, Tudose says doing a bit of research online helps because just about everyone has some kind of digital footprint. “If you meet someone on a dating app, it’s always a good idea to exchange actual phone numbers and last names before meeting them in person. With so many fake profiles out there many of my clients have been stood up and left out in the cold, blocked or unmatched at the last minute when the catfish [someone who creates a fake profile] could no longer keep up with the deception.” Tudose says it’s also good to check their social media profiles to authenticate their identity. Make sure you let one of your friends know that you’re going on a date. Telling them where you’re going and what time you’re meeting is always sensible and ensures your safety. She also stresses that the date should take place in a public venue, ideally during the daytime. It’s never a good idea to go to someone’s house or to a remote location. “It takes most of us around three minutes to instinctively know if we want to see that person again; the rest of the time is spent collecting more information to support the first impression.” To make it less awkward, you can tell your date beforehand that you have an important appointment later that you cannot miss so you are in control of the time. If you really hit it off, you can always say you’re delaying your next meeting. It’s better to organise daytime short coffee dates instead of the classic ‘happy-hour drinks’ or even a dinner on the first date because these occasions are usually associated with alcohol consumption Valentina Tudose, relationship expert On how to spot positive character traits of a blind date, Tudose says energy and intuition are important. “If something feels too good to be true, it’s usually because it is.” And if you feel a negative uncomfortable vibe, trust your gut and end the date. You should also look for immediate red flags of a lack of respect and authenticity as well as imbalances in their behaviour. “I once heard a story of someone who had the experience of meeting a guy for the first time and after just a few minutes of chatting he reached out to touch her belly and said, ‘I can’t wait to plant my seed in there.’” On the point of whether it is OK or safe to get intimate on the first night with a blind date, Tudose says there are some rules to follow. “Dating apps and the more relaxed moral codes around casual encounters mean a lot of people end up getting intimate really quickly. The ‘instant gratification’ mindset that’s so prevalent in our culture often leads to hook-up sex without many safety checks. “It’s better to organise daytime short coffee dates instead of the classic ‘happy-hour drinks’ or even a dinner on the first date because these occasions are usually associated with alcohol consumption. “Some see it as ‘liquid courage’ but it tends to drop our inhibitions a little too much and dull the signals we constantly receive from our intuition, often leading to us making choices we later regret.” According to Tudose, many women report feeling really down after such an encounter in which they dropped their own standards and agreed to sex on a first date. Consequently, she said they often feel less valued afterwards. “If you are simply in it for fun and you have good chemistry with that person and are experienced at reading people, feel safe in their presence and don’t get easily attached, then sex on a first date might be exactly what you needed,” she says. How to ask for and offer forgiveness, and why it makes your relationship stronger On the other hand, if you want to have a chance at a long-lasting relationship, Tudose says: “It is better to delay the satisfaction of this impulse to allow for a stronger mental and emotional connection to be built so that there is more to your relationship than the satisfaction of sexual urges.” Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post