With us all living under the unrelenting pressure of a global health crisis that is taking a toll on our physical and mental well-being, we need to consider the strain our relationships and home lives are currently enduring. Hong Kong is experiencing a third wave of Covid-19 infections that seems even more devastating than its predecessors as it caught most local residents by surprise while the city was slowly returning to normal. In response, more stringent social-distancing measures have been installed – such as the compulsory wearing of masks in all public places, both indoors and outdoors – and more people are back to working from home. Many people are understandably fed up living under restrictions with seemingly no end in sight. Such prolonged restrictions are harming our state of mind, and consequently, our relationships. They can trigger feelings of oppression and cause mental and emotional stress , as well as physical stress due to a lack of exercise and fresh air. Usually our quality of sleep is compromised, too. This can all activate our unconscious coping mechanisms. Common coping mechanisms include overeating, drinking more alcohol and procrastinating, says holistic love and sexuality coach Linda Moana. The prolonged restrictions can also ignite our fear of the virus and ultimately trigger a deep, unconscious fear of death, she says. “Fear is the most toxic and completely shuts people down.” Stress is a huge threat to a person’s mental, emotional and physical well-being, Moana says, adding that when we are unable to complete our natural stress cycles, there will be a build-up of tension, anxiety and more stress. This could lead to an overreaction that affects our health, relationships and quality of life, she adds. “As people are spending more time together, with less distractions or other activities such as work and business trips that normally keep them physically apart, their relationship equilibrium and dynamics are disrupted,” she says. “Navigating a new equilibrium is always a challenge. Coming up with solutions require trial and error and frank, yet compassionate, communication.” Being together 24/7 doesn’t have to be a threat to a relationship; it could be seen as an opportunity to improve your connection. For couples who are again working at home together, there are ways to increase harmony and allow each other to be more engaged and productive, and work with fewer distractions, Moana says. First, try to have structure and proper routines as if you are still in the office, and take proper breaks. Be mindful that there should be a physical separation between “home” and “office” to create boundaries and keep home space sacred. Give each other time and space and, if possible, don’t work in the same room to avoid distracting each other; you can pretend your partner is not there, Moana says. “Having said all that, you need to be flexible and understanding of each other.” Eye-gazing is an interesting and intimate way to explore with your partner to build connection Linda Moana At the end of the working day, it’s good to schedule common free time to do things you enjoy together to create pleasure and joy, so that you can be truly present with each other. One way to connect is to find ways to be playful with each other. “Activities such as cooking together or pretending to be going out dinner by dressing up, setting up a proper dinner, going out of the front door and then entering back into the ‘restaurant’ can create a good ‘date night’ atmosphere,” she says. Other fun activities include going for a walk together, doing couples workout exercises or snuggling up when watching a movie. Moana offers a number of practical tips for couples to improve connection and communication. “Eye-gazing is an interesting and intimate way to explore with your partner to build connection. While continuously looking into each other’s eyes, focus half your attention on them and half on your inner self. It’s not a staring contest and you can blink. “You might laugh or break eye contact, just continue gazing and noticing. Try for five minutes as a beginner. When done, share your experience with your other half.” One vital skill to bring out genuine communication is giving each other full attention and listening with empathy and without judgment or interruption, she adds. On how to adjust our minds to reduce personal stress during these challenging times, Moana says it is crucial to have self-care. “We’re each responsible for ourselves to be able to self-regulate and self-soothe.” Some common self-care practices include getting good quality sleep, maintaining a balanced, healthy diet, getting proper exercise, and doing things you enjoy to maintain a balanced mindset. Feeling trapped in your relationship? It’s time to make a choice Other self-nurturing activities are as simple as taking time away from your partner to have some personal space, and practising different types of breathing exercises and meditations to restore calm in the body and mind. Meanwhile, for couples with children who are stuck at home this summer with no break and no holiday, there are ways to boost domestic harmony. “It starts with self-care; when your cup is full, you’re a more loving and patient caregiver. When we start with ourselves being grounded, calm and relaxed, we create a ripple effect of the same towards our family members. A couple with a harmonious relationship creates a relaxed and calm environment, impacting the children positively,” Moana says. Other ways to promote family harmony, she explains, include having loving and clear communication that promotes cooperation and conversation; connecting with loving touches and hugs; being playful with your children; allowing their creativity to flourish by giving less instructions and letting them show you how to do something; finding outlets for physical activities, especially in nature or making up games; and teaching them self-regulation and self-soothing. “When you are feeling uncomfortable emotions, try not to judge or reject the feelings and sensations – be compassionate and kind to yourself,” she says. “And finally, it’s crucial to seek help if it gets overwhelming.” Self-nurturing exercises to enhance your relationship ● Laugh: even if you don’t feel like it, fake it till you make it ● Slow down to activate your five basic senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch ● Look at something beautiful or awe-inspiring ● Listen to your favourite music ● Smell essential oils and things like flowers, citrus fruit and chocolate ● Taste by eating and drinking consciously ● Move the body such as doing stretches, dancing and touching things like silk or stroking your own body and hair for tactile pleasure Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post