One of my favourite uncles once told me that all women are beautiful in their own right, no matter their age, size and race, because we should all embrace individuality. I couldn’t agree more with him. Unfortunately, the view of others can be rather more toxic, with many critics not endorsing body positivity, saying it is synonymous with normalising unhealthy behaviours or lifestyles. But this isn’t what body positivity is really about. True body positivity is about finding peace in yourself and learning to be comfortable in your own skin by gaining an authentic perspective on your body without being affected by outside influences. Ultimately, it allows you to love yourself, no matter what others think of your appearance. People in a relationship should always support body positivity to uplift each other, because if both partners are happy and confident with their bodies, chances are they will always maintain a healthy sexual relationship. With the body-positivity movement sweeping across the world, you would think it unimaginable for people and even big corporations indulging in fat shaming publicly. One such shameful event took place in August when Instagram deleted photos of Nyome Nicholas-Williams, a black plus-size model who posted an image of herself posing with her arms covering her bare chest. The photo-sharing app, owned by Facebook, was accused of hypocrisy and racism for allowing photos of semi-naked slim white women on its feeds but not black or plus-size women. The controversy caused tens of thousands of users to call out the company for discriminating against the black community, plus-size women and other marginalised communities. Instagram has since updated its nudity policy. The lesson learned by the platform is that no one – even powerful companies – can stop people from celebrating their acceptance of an honest body. Michelle Harris, a well-being counsellor and empowerment mentor for individuals, couples and organisations, stresses that everyone should have a positive body image, no matter how society views the “ideal” shape, size and appearance. “Having a healthy body image often affects how people feel about their appearance and their self-worth. A negative body image may increase the risk of mental health issues like anxiety, depression and eating disorders,” she says. How to explore sexual kinks and fantasies to lift your love life Harris says that how one practises body positivity is based on their subjective perception of their body, which may be different from how it actually appears. Our feelings, thoughts and behaviours can affect mental health, how you see yourself and how you treat yourself, she adds. “In my experience, having had a food disorder during my teens and early adult life, I came to see it was about something deeper. When I was in the midst of the food disorder, it wasn’t just about liking or loving your body or stopping the comparison with others. It was about addressing the deeper beliefs and perceptions of my self-worth and my self-image.” That means body positivity is not only about your physical form. “It also includes your mindset, your feelings and emotions, your behaviour, how you see yourself overall, and so on. It is about self-acceptance and holding positive self-perception, self-esteem, self-worth and self-validation, and seeing your inner beauty and your uniqueness.” She believes that people can also hold trauma in their bodies, which affects how they view themselves. “Societal influences and other people’s judgments can also be held in our body and causes us to resonate these perceptions about our body. Body positivity is also about changing society’s views and beliefs, as well as addressing your own truth and living by your own truth about what is right.” Does the pressure of physical appearance affect women more than men? “Not necessarily,” Harris says. “I would say that societal pressures, media coverage of the ‘ideal’ body, and social media comparison and influences can affect how anyone – regardless of gender – sees themselves and their body image.” Last but not least, body positivity can enhance a romantic relationship and sexual connection. “You feel confident in who you are. You are empowered, and self-love is magnetic and attractive. You feel relaxed in yourself and feel uninhibited in expressing yourself romantically, intimately and sexually.” In fact, self-love and self-acceptance are the greatest things you can achieve to enhance your romantic and sexual connection, Harris adds. Tips to build a body-positive mindset • Examine your deeper reasons for any negative body image or perceptions • Imprint new beliefs through affirmations or mantras, and start to cultivate a positive way of relating to your body and self • Let go of idealisation; start to see yourself as unique and appreciate your body and its “flaws” • Show gratitude for what your body does for you • Learn to be confident in your body by holding it in a certain way; learn to feel, act and hold yourself with more confidence • Develop self-love; focus on your strengths and inner qualities • Look in the mirror and learn to “face” yourself • Meditate to deepen self-awareness • Validate yourself rather than seeking it externally • Cultivate a self-care practice that nurtures all parts of you • Focus on health rather than appearance • Reduce or disengage from negative social media influences • Have compassion for those who judge • See a counsellor, therapist or healer to shift your perception about your body and how you see yourself Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post