Whatever the reasons behind this shortfall – be it stress, busy schedules, work, domestic chores, physical exhaustion or even boredom – they are indicative of partners avoiding intimacy and pulling away from each other.

Valentina Tudose, a relationship expert and certified hypnotherapist, explains the journey of love between two people.

“Relationships are journeys of self-discovery and learning about ourselves through others. When the journey stops being an exciting voyage of discovery, it gets bogged down in routines and functionalities. When relationships end, people often say they’ve lost themselves by becoming too wrapped up in being a couple. What they lose is their sense of self. They become too assimilated in the ‘we’ and end up losing track of the ‘me’.”

Tudose points out some of the signs that indicate a couple are growing apart.

“When you stop being curious about the other person’s thoughts and feelings, you stop seeing them as mysterious and desirable. This leads you to start taking them for granted, assuming that now you are married or in a committed relationship, their presence is guaranteed and nothing in this whole universe may convince them to leave.”

In fact, Tudose stresses, the reality is that the easiest way to push someone away is to tune down the effort you put into the relationship like you did in the beginning. “The less desired and prioritised a person is feeling, the more inclined they are to pull their energy away. In a way, they are choosing to walk a different path because when you don’t grow together, you are growing apart.”

She goes further by examining what leads to this gradual separation. “What we tend to define as love is often just lust and attraction, chemistry or the physical need to connect with a person. If all that keeps you together in a relationship is sexual desire and irresistible attraction, the ‘growing apart’ will start as soon as that desire is satisfied enough times to lose its novelty.

“When a relationship moves beyond the ‘honeymoon period’, we settle into a new phase called attachment when the intimacy and emotional connection is solidified through commitment and partnership. This can last a long time if it’s maintained by constant check-ins, connection rituals and conscious conversations that keep the spark and interest for discovery alive.”

On how to fix it, Tudose offers the following advice.

“If love is an energy exchange, growing apart is just a reorientation of this energy away from each other and towards other pursuits. When you become aware of a sense of distance growing between you, the best starting point is to ask yourself questions like, ‘What barriers have you and your partner put between you two?’, ‘What has pushed you apart?’

“You can also ask yourself the following, ‘Have you been distracted by career, children or money?’; ‘Have you stopped making an effort with each other?’; ‘Do you feel rejected, judged or criticised?’; ‘Have you made each other feel you were not enough?’; or ‘Have you felt the burden of expectations that put pressure on you being a certain way?’”

She says when you have the answers to these questions, make a date with your partner saying you would like to check in with them and have a chat about some thoughts you have had about your relationship.

“Share your insights and experience and ask about what they would need to feel more connected and desired. Remember the goal is to help each other grow and discover new aspects of yourself. Focus on what your relationship can become, rather than what it is right now.”

Luisa Tam is a Post correspondent who also hosts video tutorials on Cantonese language that are now part of Cathay Pacific’s in-flight entertainment programme.