Turning the Tables: another bad hair day

I have a problem with the name of one our most popular seasonal specialities - hairy crabs. Hair is something we normally try and keep out of our food. We expect kitchen staff to wear hairnets and even moustache guards at some food processing facilities. Why are we calling a much loved delicacy after strands of dead protein?

We don't have to - in other parts of the world this crustacean is called a mitten crab. There must be some kind of linguistic nationalism at work here.

When we insist on calling the grouper fish "garoupa" that probably seems like a charming, eccentric little quirk. Only a pedant or an ichthyologist could complain. Odd as the spelling is, it's not going to put anyone off their dinner.

Baby is a word I would definitely like taken off menus. I still think of a little child even when the word is immediately followed by carrot, turnip or lamb. All these things are young, so we could call them just that.

It might just be me but every year I have to overcome the psychological hurdle of the hairy crab's name before I can enjoy the dish. While I could be thinking of beautiful flowing locks, I am more likely to be thinking of hair balls coughed up by cats or choking on a hair.

Hair can spell danger in other ways. Would the dried fruit of the grape be such a worldwide best-seller if it was called hair raisin?