How to make your inner critic your biggest fan, and why it’s been holding you back
Your inner voice, the one that says you are not good enough, or that you look terrible, is holding you back. If you can temper these ‘limiting beliefs’, you can live more confidently and courageously
We don’t like it when someone degrades us or calls us offensive names, yet how many of us pay attention to the negative things we tell ourselves, about ourselves? From “I look awful” and “I will never be able to do that” to “I’m not good enough”, it’s easy for disparaging thoughts to pop into our heads, often preventing us from accomplishing more.
Tempering this “inner critic”, then, is key to living more confidently and courageously. First, though, it is important to understand how it came about.
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Nivedita Raj Ramanujam, CEO and clinical director at Inner Compass in Sai Kung, a town in Hong Kong’s New Territories, says our inner critic is shaped by our childhood memories, experiences, fears and early decisions. Think of it as a “script” that was created at a time when we were vulnerable to parental influences and authority figures.
“Many of these early decisions were made in our formative years and stored in our unconscious and subconscious mind,” the psychotherapist explains.
An example of such a decision might be, ‘If I can’t please Mummy, I’m not lovable’. Over time, this voice strengthens its hold on our unconscious and subconscious mind, passing judgment on how we should be. Soon, it becomes our default way of thinking, shaping our core beliefs about the world and ourselves.
When we’re older, this voice manifests in our social personality and relationships. A disagreement with a colleague, for instance, may trigger those unconscious messages of not being lovable and accepted.