How friends can help reduce stress, anxiety and grief – why you need a ‘vent buddy’

Vent buddies are trusted friends we can talk to about our anxieties, frustrations and fears, helping us cope and deal with our burdens

Bottling up feelings may trigger anger and anxiety, and weaken the immune system

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Jemjem Yap (middle) with her vent buddies Loren Hipolito (left) and Marge Andrada. Having trusted friends to share your burdens with can help both your mental and physical health.

Published: 4:15am, 8 Mar 2021Updated: 4:15am, 8 Mar 2021

When Jemjem Yap lost her father in July 2020, she was beside herself. Her sense of devastation was compounded by the fact that she was in Singapore and her dad was in Iloilo, a province in the Philippines. Travel restrictions and border closures meant that Yap, who was born in the Philippines and moved to Singapore almost three years ago for work, could not travel to see her father as he lay in a bed in a hospital intensive care unit (ICU) after having a stroke.

To exacerbate matters, Yap, who is herself an ICU nurse, had to deal with the pressures of being on the frontline of the Covid-19 pandemic.

“I felt helpless,” the 33-year-old says. “My dad was my hero and the only family I had, and now, not only was he [far away], but he was deteriorating and I couldn’t get to him to hug or kiss him goodbye. And with the pandemic escalating all over the world, I was worried about the toll the virus was taking on everyone, and fearful that I would come into contact with a Covid-positive patient … my world felt like it had come crashing down.”

During that period of dealing with complicated grief, anxiety and stress, Yap turned to her two best friends from university: Marge Andrada, who lives in the Philippines, and Loren Hipolito, who lives in the United States. The trio’s days and nights were filled with phone calls and video chats as Yap poured her heart and soul out to her friends.

“I don’t usually unload my emotional burdens on others, but sharing how I felt was really cathartic,” Yap explains. “I felt like I’d lost my sense of purpose. I also had other things going on in my life that were weighing heavily on me … Marge and Loren listened to me without judgment and offered solutions to what I was dealing with. They also checked up on me often to make sure that I was looking after myself, because physically I was quite rundown.”

“Vent buddies” – we all need them. No matter how strong or independent we are, it’s key to have at least one person to talk to about our anxieties, frustrations and fears. Covid-19 may have affected most people’s emotional well-being in a negative way – as evidenced by sharp rises in calls to mental health helplines – but, long after the pandemic is declared over and we get back to some semblance of normality, we will still need people in our lives who are willing to share our burdens.